We are so glad you found this site. The women here are very supportive and have the knowledge and experience to help you.
Lori's advice is good. It seems that you have many things happening that is effecting your emotional healing.
I had a simple mastectomy to my right breast. My appearance was somewhat shocking after my husband and I removed the bandages. Our focus at that time was to get rid of the drains. What a happy day that was!! I had also started reconstruction the same day as the mastectomy so my outlook was one of promise that I would soon look fairly normal. With lots of support from family and friends and all my breast friends here on the board, I was able to emotionally recover quickly.
What you are experiencing is normal, but I do agree that you need to talk with someone. Another suggestion is to contact the American Cancer Society. I know in my area someone called me and offered to come out and talk about their experience and give me much information and resources. They were very helpful. Lori's suggestion about a counselor is good. They can help you untangle all your concerns. Another thought is that some of us experienced some depression and our doctors were able to relieve that with some anti-depressants. Talk with you doctor.
What ever your decision, I hope for the best for you. I hope you stick with us, this group of ladies is the best and we are here 24/7. One of us will have some answers for you and all of us want to support you.
Hugs and prayers,
"A sister filled with joy preaches without preaching. Joy is a need and a power for us . . . for it makes us always ready to go about doing good."