Hi there-I am new here. I am 36 years old from NJ. I have no history of breast cancer in my family, but I know that doesn't always matter. To preface, I am by nature a type A, anxious and fast-paced person, so this situation is definitely exacerbating my state at the moment. So, about
1.5 years ago, or so my partner and I were folding laundry in the closet, and she turned around and hit me super-hard with her elbow in my breast by accident. We are always running into each other around the house and it has become a running joke. I almost blacked out, it was so painful. But, both of us were former athletes, and we just laughed and I didn't ice or anything at the time. A few months after that I felt a lump, but now, since it's been so long, I can't actually remember if the lump is in the exact place where she hit me.
My reaction was comple paralysis. I didn't tell her and I didn't see a doctor, because I thought it was where she hit me, and a lump in my breast terrified me so bad, I couldn't even deal with the possibilities. So I avoided the area (and I didn't habitually self-exam, so I also have no idea when the lump appeared). I know, stupid,all the way around. So I let it pass, until another few months later, when I showerd and felt the thing again, while drying off. I told my partner, and she immediately wanted to feel it. I refused, I was so scared. The she promised me to go to the doctor to get checked out if it was still there the next week. I didn't....kept ignoring it. I should mention that I don't do this for anything else, just medical stuff.
A bit later we were at a get together and I told some close friends. My one friend said it may be a deep tissue bruise. So, of course I used that as a crutch and still didn't go to the doctor. Fast forward, and I felt it again, and again cried to my partner. A week went by, and kept telling myself I would go. Mind you, I only use the emergency clinic, so I went there on a Sunday, while my partner was visiting her family. I decided it would be easier if I just went without her, so she wouldn't worry. To make matters worse, I got a doctor with no bedside manner, so I was double upset when he explaimed 'You have a solid mass there, I want you to get checked out ASAP!'. To make me more anxious he wrote a prescript
ion for my 1st ever Mammo and Ultrasound. In the meantime I had researched both benign and malignant breast conditions, because I didn't want to be suprised completely. I mentioned the knock in the closet to him and he said 'If that happened 1.5 years ago, that wouldn't still be there'. But I had read that scar tissue can form following direct trauma to the breast, and as I had always overhealed (I keloid if I squeeze a pimple), I was a bit surprised that he didn't even suggest it could be this. Especially as he is not a breast specialist, and even those rely on actual imaging and biopsies. He obviously didn't tell me I had cancer, but the combination of his lack of any kind of bedside manner and quick rush off (they also took blood work, which came back normal this Thursday), was very harrowing for me.
I didn't sleep for 2 days before the tests, because I was so worried, and barely ate anything. All that was rushing through my head was the worst. I had the tests, and they did see my lump and confirmed it was solid. I cried during the ultrasound, because the Radiologist came in and said they'd likely suggest a biopsy to be sure what we're dealing with. Butt the technician said not to worry and that the doctor always comes in.
So, my original appt with the breast specialist (breast surgeon) was supposed to be for 6/27. They said they would review the films once received from imaging center and call me if they felt they wanted to see me earlier. Well, now this morning they just called me and said my appt is 6/13, but they didn't say why. This is causing even more anxiety for me.
Last night I had a mental breakdown. Friends and my partner have been extremely supportive, and encourage me not to think the worst, until the results are in. And even then, they've reminded me that treatments are so much more advanced now than they were. I am a professional by day, but can't seem to get a balance of dealing with this-a few hours I'll be very optimistic, and then I get extremely emotional because my partner and I have been thinking about
starting a family, have just talked about
going on vacation in November, and I feel like my life has just been paused with the possibility of life altering news. In a few minutes I am supposed to be on my way for a quick little getaway with movie at IMAX in neighboring state (I am a huge movie fan), but I feel like cancelling it. If any of you can offer words of wisdom for this chick freaking out over here, I'd really appreciate it. I have a feeling, I've lost all rationality and perspective-yikes.
Post Edited (boobzilla) : 6/8/2012 1:37:58 PM (GMT-6)