the chest ct results and a weather report

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Date Joined Sep 2003
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   Posted 2/28/2005 8:41 PM (GMT -7)   
He said it's just junk from radiation, and he didn't see anything suspicious." 
Turns out the folks that did the sonogram last week "forgot" about the ovary, the fetus floored the tech and the radiologist so much, they didn't even look at it.  Another question unanswered.
Emotionally I'm really in the dumps tonight.  Firstly, tonight I realized I'm showing.  I went to work and it was okay, actually I handled things great.  Told some friends who will keep it confidential.  Then I saw a week-old infant at the gas store on the way home.  It's hitting me tonight.  I watched Lifetime movie yesterday with all the trimmings, Holly Hunter even had an abortion in it.  Every connected issue was exhausted in the movie.  I was going to post a poll asking if I should be watching lifetime movies in my situation, but about halfway through, I realized it was helping me cope.  I couldn't believe I was sitting there watching it, but it actually was helpful, kinda like the sad songs help, with a broken heart.  It didn't negatively effect me like seeing that newborn did.  I don't want to go to work, but really should, as I'm going to miss quite a lot.  I'm hoping the snowstorm closes the county tomorrow, but I'm thinking it won't.  I don't think that we're getting what they thought we'd get.  My car should have had inches and inches on it by now, and it doesn't.  Maybe it's different up by work.  I will, of course, take care of myself and if I'm not up to it, I won't go. 
Appointment Wednesday, surgery Friday.  I'm going to see if they can do everything at once, hyster, oopher and this, but it may not happen that way, because this is risky enough by itself.  I will spend Thursday going back to my shrink and popping in on DS's class and daycare, since it's his birthday.  Maybe doing the cupcake thing will help.  I won't be in great shape on Saturday, the day of his party.  Mom's going to do it for me.   
My inlaws know now, DH told his dad yesterday and they haven't called me.  I don't know if it's because they don't know what to say or because they're Catholic and are having a very difficult time with this decision, as I'm sure they are, or worse, if they're totally against the decision and not speaking to me because of it.  If I tested and found out the fetus was apparently healthy (a remote possibility) it would be extremely traumatic because I need to do this for my health.  I have to just shut something in me down to get through this.  At times I can, at times it's very real and hurts.
If anyone is against what I'm doing, please don't reply, You won't change my mind, and will further upset me and anger those supporting me.  The last thing I want is an upheaval on the board over my decision.  I just need a lot of extra support.
DH is a little, tiny bit better.  For him, it's volumes, though.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius


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Date Joined Jul 2003
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   Posted 2/28/2005 8:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Ellen, one thing to consider is your health. Going off tamoxifen could be dangerous for you and there is nothing wrong with prioritizing you.

Please don't consider the hyster/ooph just as a form of birth control...make sure it is also for the right reasons for you.

As for the CT of the chest, sounds like what I had. Mine was seen as an arthritic process in the sternal-manubrial joint (who knew there was a joint in the sternum area), and it was felt to be a side effect of rads.

Consider taking a few days off work just to take care of yourself and relax, take care of errands, etc.


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   Posted 3/1/2005 1:11 AM (GMT -7)   
{{{{{{{ELLEN}}}}}}}}} Love you, Gail
 It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.   Elisabeth Kubler Ross

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Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1294
   Posted 3/1/2005 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Hugs to you Ellen.  You are in my prayers.



 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.

Proverbs 27:9

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 586
   Posted 3/1/2005 7:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Ellen. It's about you my friend. Think about yourself. What others think does not matter. It doesn't seem like your inlaws were much support before this anyway. Glad hubby is starting to come around. Hope your office was closed. Schools were here.


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Date Joined Jul 2003
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   Posted 3/1/2005 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hope you got a day off today to rest. Don't torture yourself, Ellen. Wish I could be there and we could go do something and laugh together. I so enjoy your laughing and smiling. I am just so sorry you have this stressful situation and would love to be able to help somehow. Love, Mary K.

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Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 700
   Posted 3/1/2005 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
{Ellen} Just sending hugs your way and to let you know I am thinking about you and you are in my prayers. It is all about you....take care and I wish I could be there to hold your hand.

Sara Dearing
Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
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   Posted 3/1/2005 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
(((Ellen))), I'm holding you in my arms hoping I can give you just a tiny bit of support. L&H's, Luci
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer.  Albert Camus

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 319
   Posted 3/1/2005 10:39 AM (GMT -7)   


I have been thinking about you this morning.  This choice like all others is yours to make and knowing where you are coming from and what you could be facing is an area that you can not turn a blind eye to. 

As with your inlaws, maybe they do not know how dangerous this could be to you.  But this would be (to me anyways) would be an area that my husband would have to take care of.  But that is just my thought on that.  I am Catholic so why I understand the Catholic view I also understand the other side.  Catholics are not suppose to do any type of birth control but the rhythm method.  My parents only wanted two kids, I am #3  and my brother is #4.  The rhythm method doesn't work. Anyways my point was I was told no babies period when I was diagnosed.  I was not going to leave to chance me getting pregnant so I was thankful when I had my ovaires out.  If that puts me in bad light with the church too bad. That decision was mine alone, and you know God understands that.   I need to be here for the child I have. 

Personally I would stay aways from the Lifetime movies.... but if it allowed you to be at ease with your decision then it was worth it.  That channel just makes me cry too much. 



We have raced "for the Cure"
Worn Lee's Jeans on Friday "for the Cure"
Bought New Balance tennis shoes "for the cure"
Worn pink ribbon pins "for the cure"
Collected donations "for the cure"
Ate pink M&M's "for the cure"
Drank Sutter Home wine "for the cure"
Spent an extra $.08 on a stamp "for the cure"
Ate Lean Cuisine frozen dinners "for the cure"
We have all done our part "for the cure"
now you do yours and get us that cure.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 854
   Posted 3/1/2005 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   

I'm so sorry for this emotional upheaval. You've got my support. I just want what's best for you. Hang in there, sweetie. I'll be praying for you.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 3/1/2005 1:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Strange we are talking about the Lifetime channel. I don't think I ever watched it before Sunday and then I spent six hours with it on. A four hour movie about a doctor who killed his wife had me really into it, tears were running down my cheeks. I rarely cry but TV or books can bring me to tears easily. So I can imagine how hard it would be to watch programs near your own life story. You don't need any more stress and worry right now. Take care of yourself and know that I on your side. Hugs MK

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Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 955
   Posted 3/3/2005 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   

Sending you special ((((((( "feel better")))))))) hugs.

Know that I am thinking of you and sending mega prayers to get you thru this hard time.

^j^ ^j^ ^j^
"What sweetness is left in life if you take away friendship? It is like robbing the world of the sun"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1564
   Posted 3/4/2005 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Ellen... If Lifetime movies help, watch them as much as you want. If your in-laws don't support you, well, let me just remind you that you don't really need them, and one of these days, they just might need you. If it makes you feel better to remind them of that, go ahead!

I am so sorry you have to go through this agony. Breast cancer...the gift that keeps on taking.

Take care of you, do what's best for you, and let go of the rest, my friend. There is nothing you can do about it.

Love and hugs...
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