Bridal shower...bride absent

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 5/13/2005 8:50 PM (GMT -7)   
This is not a normal topic on our board but I am sooooo mad that I wanted to get your opinion and thoughts.
I received an bridal shower invitation today for the dd of a friend of mine. The wedding is in Alabama in June. The shower is for next Fri and here is what the invitation said....
"Since our guest of honor is unable to attend - please bring your gift unwrapped (along with wrapping paper). This way we can show our gifts to each other before they're wrapped. Katie will be given the wrapped gifts when her family arrives early for the wedding."
I think this is horrible and that it is nothing more than bluntly asking for gifts. I have already sent my gift for the wedding as my dd's due date is the same date as the wedding. Hmmmm, go to a wedding or be at the birth of my first grandson?????
Anyway, how would you all feel if you recd an invitation like this?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1090
   Posted 5/14/2005 3:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Well that is really different. The world is definately changing. I guess that is better than to be living in New York and invited to a shower in Oregon. That is where they are not even going to give you a cookie and still want your gift. While we are on the subject.... I would like to chime in with a complaint. I went to a shower and they had envelopes at each place and you were to write your name and address on the envelope. This has to be an all time low. Address your own thank you. Someone said to me its so hard for her to get all the addresses! Well they sure found mine for the invite. I was just furious. I went to the pencil sharpener and sharpened my tongue. As we all know...Not a good idea to be on the bad side of my humor. I went so far as to say I printed out the sheet of requested items, went shopping at the correct store, wrapped this gift and bought a card and carried it to this shower, which was over an hour away. Now I am asked to address my own thank you note. I want to know who would actually think this was a good idea. Well you are never going to believe this..I am listening to others complain and then someone walks up to me and tells me it is my step daughters idea. With her usual organizing skills she decided this was a great idea. Well just paint me a brilliant shade of red. Needless to say I told her what I thought of this wonderful time saver. I tore up the envelope and said now she does not have to go to the effort of a stamp and mail box, either. It would be interesting to know how everyone feels about this, also. I was just wondering if it me. What is next, buy your own thank you note and include it in the wedding card? Maybe we can get some interesting complaints going here. Or maybe I will find out everyone thinks I am being silly. Gee me....I can not imagine that happening. Love and Hugs. Tongue in Cheek.
How wonderful it would be to see Angels where there are only clouds. How sad it would be to see clouds where there are Angels.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 955
   Posted 5/14/2005 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   

A few years ago I had this happen to me also. I did think it was a bit "odd" and had mixed feelings about it, however, I signed the thing. LOL
Debbi, not sure what to think about your experience tho. I had never heard of that happening before. GEEZ..........nothing surprises me this day and age.

It takes all kinds doesn't it?


"What sweetness is left in life if you take away friendship? It is like robbing the world of the sun"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 854
   Posted 5/14/2005 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I had the same thing happen here in Los Angeles two years ago. It was the daughter of a long-time neighbor and dear friend, whom I was sitting with at the shower. Well, I'd had a couple of drinks so I was more than happy to oblige. LOL But I did think it was odd. Not sure I would do it again, tho.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2272
   Posted 5/14/2005 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I too signed my address on a thank you envelope once or twice. Yes it is odd, I just kind of raised my brow and said whatever.

An absent bride is the tackiest thing I have heard of. I would decline to go to the "shower" and I am not sure I would send a gift either. THat is not a shower. Shame on the bride and her posse.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2044
   Posted 5/14/2005 5:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Two words for both situations: Tacky Tacky. JMHO Lauri
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams. Live the life you always imagined" Thoreau
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 5/14/2005 5:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I think if your close to the bride, you'll want to send a gift to her home. To have a shower without a bride is just plain GREEDY!!!Addressing your own thank you's is a way to personalize, and show your greatfullness to each guest for thier time and thought.I think I would be more upset with the first situation though.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 829
   Posted 5/14/2005 6:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I went to a shower just over a year ago where I was asked to address my own envelope for a thank you card. I refused to sign it. I told the person who was giving the shower that my daughter knew where I lived. Next thing you know, they'll have a preprinted thank you note with a line so you can write in the gift you have given. I feel those same two words, tacky, tacky.

As for a shower without the bride, the first thought I had was: "Well, baby showers are given without the baby!" But, I do think that it is in bad taste to have a shower and being told to not wrap the gift but bring giftwrap cause the bride ain't gonna show up. I would politely tell them that I will bring a shower gift for the bride when she gets there.

Times may be changing but not for the good, I fear.

Hugs, Jo-Ann
A good friend will bail you out of jail...
but a true friend will be sitting
next to you saying,
"Dâmn... that was fun!".

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 1373
   Posted 5/14/2005 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm currently writing thank-you's.  Firstly, I'm thankful for the addage that a thank-you note can never be late, LOL.  I really think I'll male it under the one month mark this time!
Secondly, not only do I think that's tacky, I can't bring myself to not handwrite each note.  I received a very nice note with a "not going" response, from a person who lived in CA.  He wrote a very nice note on the computer, and folded it up and put it in the card, which had it's own sentiment.  I like that idea, but am reluctant to do that for thank-you's.  In my mind, the handwriting is the effort.  Granted this would be less tacky then the above examples, but I can't even bring myself to use the computer for thank you's.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius


Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 5/15/2005 4:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your replies. I am still steaming over this invitation. My friend and I were discussing yesterday if we were going to attend. We decided that we probably would (mainly because where the "shower" is being held is one of our fav Greek Pizza Parlors) but, and there is always a but, we are either going to take our gifts wrapped or take them unwrapped w/out the paper. Both of my dd's have stated that they are NOT going.
I attended a baby shower for my dd last month. The gals that hosted the shower gave us an envelope to address for the thank you card. I looked at it and started laughing and told them that I really didn't think that my dd was incapable of addressing her own envelopes for the guests that were there. The gals looked rather shocked. When my dd came back into the room, I asked her if she had hurt her hand recently? When she said "No" and asked why I told her that was the only reason that I could come up with for her not addressing the thank you envelopes herself. She was rather shocked as she did not know her friends were going to do this. I think it is as tacky as this shower for an absent bride.
Here is something else that drives me nuts! How do you all feel when someone comes up to you and says..."Gosh, you look great for having cancer" or "You don't look like you are taking chemo" or "I know how you feel" or, my all time favorite "You must be thankful that you had/have cancer. I am sure that it changes your outlook on life"!
Have a wonderful and peaceful Sunday!

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 5/15/2005 6:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Now that's a first for me.  Personally, I think I'd politely decline to go.  You've already sent a gift, what's the point of going if you don't even get to spend time w/the bride-to-be?  Well, other than eating at a great place.  lol  I think you and your friend should hit the Greek place some other time where you can laugh about the brideless shower and enjoy time together!  :-)
As for the address your own thank you cards, I've never paid much attention to them.  But now that you all mentioned it, it does seem tacky.  When I had my baby shower for my son (no one threw me one for my DD), I had a close family friend write everything down for me--what the present was and who gave it to me--as I opened the gifts.  Of course, I only invited people that I was close to and/or were relatives, so I knew their addresses (and enjoyed making it personal).  However I thought that's who you were supposed to invite...people you were close to...not people you ONLY wanted gifts from.  Sigh...the world is becoming an impersonal place, eh?
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