Well, I'm doing it. I've bought a couple of tickets to Maine for Veteran's day weekend. Matthew and I are going to look for a house to rent starting in January. I'll be working in an indian reservation school, and will have school vacations and summers off and get my loans paid. DH was freaking. He can't move with me at first, and really doesn't want to move at all, but is (finally) willing to be, or at least try to be supportive. He told his mother that he has no choice--that when he tells me he doesn't want me to go I start to get upset. He must feel like he's over a barrell. Things were really really hard for us these past couple of weeks. He's been really upset, but last night when I offered to stay, he finally said he would try to be supportive and stop griping and putting me through hell.
I offered to not go if he really didn't want me to, but when I did, I started crying. He couldn't do that to me. He wants me to be happy and I wouldn't be unless I gave this a try. I'm risking a bit, the job I have now pays my loans and I have some benefits of having been there almost five years. I'm losing that and if I don't want to stay in ME, I'll be out of the loan-repayment program and out of a job. It's a risk, and my feet are getting a little chilly!
I can't help but think about all I've been through. I didn't survive cancer to flounder here working with sex offenders. I would really like to be someplace nice and calm and happy. I've been looking into things he'd need to run his business up there, and there are ways to pull it off even if the people in Maine are clannish and don't want to order from him because he's not from Maine. His biggest customer said he'd continue to order from him.
Boy! This is hard! I'm really disoriented at work, too. I'm like gone from there in my head. Yesterday I thought it was Thursday, and stayed in my office while everybody was in the weekly Wednesday morning staff meeting. Good thing, too. They unanimously decided that my supervisor's skits were not welcome at the Holdiay Party this year. He was absent that day, so I can tell him I wasn't there, so I didn't vote on it. He's got a pretty wierd sence of humor, kinda not funny, just way out. Still, it reminded me of M*A*S*H* when he staged the skits. Kinda made the place liveable. The people in power are very small minded and probably didn't care that he really will be a little put out. It made the place human that they put up with the wierd stuff and sort of indulged in it. Now there's an era ending. Cindy, the office manager is leaving, and that means that there will be no buffer between the director and the staff, and believe me, she needs a buffer! I am personally very glad to be out of there.
I'm just glad he's not as miserable as he's been. Hopefully we'll be okay.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius