I I just cannot shake the feeling and fear over the situation. I know it isn't healthy to think like this.
I am just am afraid to think about it, it has always been such a great fear of mine, my Mom died of breast cancer. My sister had it and is 10 years is healthy today.
I for some reason never thought I would get cancer, I don't know why, then last Dec. I found that I did indeed have Cancer. They removed my right breast, said cancer had not infrilltrated lymph nodes. It is ductal, it is hormone responsive. I am on Arimidex.
I never recovered emotionally from the situation. It is unlike any emotion I have ever had.
I had a mammogram and ultrasound this Nov. They found an enlarged lymph node,within the left breast. the radiologist took a long hard look at it, then said, it SEEMED ok to him. That lymph nodes get enlarged for a variety of reasons, he saw no calcifications or sign of tumor. They would look at again in six months. Said I don't think you have anything to worry about. I was so thrilled to hear that.
I guess I lack confidence in my oncologist. When I went for my vist following the Ultrasound, she asked if I'd seen my surgeon yet? The statement floored me! I said then it isn't ok, she said well we will see in another six months.
That is a long time. If it isn't ok, I will not be ok either. Shouldn't she be making decisions, and not asking if I have seen surgeon yet. I hoped I was finished with him, not my general physician, nor my oncologist.
She just never seems to really look at you, when she talks. That bothers me. It is probably her mannerism but she seems to be evasive.
Sorry to go on, with the Arimidex, which affects your hormones you weep at the most awkward times. I just need to dump my feelings. I feel like I have this dark being inside me.
I have a wonderful family, and especially my supportive loving hubby of 45 years. I am blessed. To sum it all up with this whole situation, I have felt alone, even though I am not. I am loved, I know that. I am just not able to shake that fear or feeling. Am I just over reacting here? Any help or suggestions would really be appreciated.
Be Well, God Bless, Keep Smiling.
Post Edited By Moderator (gma) : 11/30/2005 8:18:21 AM (GMT-7)