I have been quiet again lately because my mother

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 3/4/2006 12:57 PM (GMT -7)   
has been giving us problems.  I have only one brother.  My mother, almost 93, has lived in an apartment for 28 years which is over 50 miles away from him and 1500 from me.  Yet she expected him to come running whenever she felt a twinge.  She called me sometimes two times a day and some conversations were pretty scary.  Her thought processes and short term memory have been getting worse for over four years and we were not getting anywhere trying to reason with her.  Recently more and more people around her were agreeing with us that she needed to stop living alone and be cared for.  Soooooooo Thursday my db, dsil and d aunt each helped to get Mother moved into a nice Home not a mile from my brother.  Her bedroom furniture and some chairs and lamps and pictures were all put in place when she went to stay.  She didn't even recognize them at first. She was not a happy camper, but so far the nurses say she has been talkative and doing fine. She slept well last night. She tells everyone she is only going to be there a few days.  See what I mean about thought processes?  But if that is the way she is dealing with it, fine. 
I am going next week for a few days to help clean out the rest of the apartment and distribute remaining furniture, etc.  Even though this is what I have thought she needed for so long, it is still hard to think of her feeling dumped or however she feels.  The nurses assure us they have dealt with this situation many, many times and it is best to let them handle it.  They suggested my brother come by often and say he is on his way somewhere and he just wanted to stop and see how she is, but not to stay for long visits.  I had planned when I get there to take her out to dinner, but they say it is best not to do that for a few weeks, to let her get acclimated.  So we will see how it goes.  It is a relief to know she is where someone is around 24 hours.  I'll probably still be kind of quiet until I see how she is doing, etc.  but I am reading posts and thinking of you all. 
Hugs,  MK

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1090
   Posted 3/4/2006 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Well its good to hear Mother is settled. Hope all goes well on your trip.
I wanted to thank you so much for collecting for the flowers. I really appreciate it. Hope all goes well on your trip. Hugs Joyce
How wonderful it would be to see Angels where there are only clouds. How sad it would be to see clouds where there are Angels.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 349
   Posted 3/4/2006 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope things go really well for you and especially her during this adjustment. Hats off to you and your brother for dealing with this situation so delicately. You are lucky that you have had her for 93 years and that most of the time she has been in good "mental" health.

Let us hear from you and how it goes.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1564
   Posted 3/4/2006 9:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear MK...
As you may remember, we moved my MIL in with us a few years back.  She was with us for better than two years before she passed away.  Much the same situation-- faulty thought processes, and too far away for us to keep tabs on her, although she had many friends (some of them my husband's ex-girlfriends!) who tried to help, we just felt she couldn't be alone anymore.
To make a long story short, until we sold her house, she kept telling people she was only staying "until she got a little better."  When we finally sold the house, we moved most of her possessions in with us, too... and she also would look at things and say, "Was that mine?  I don't remember it."
We thought she would be happier with us than in a home, but you know, I don't think she was any happier in our home than she was when we had to put her in a nursing home for a few weeks after a bout of pneumonia. We were able to bring her home again, I was able to take care of her until she passed away, but it was a wearying experience. I think it's about losing their independence that makes it so hard for them, not where you decide to relocate them. 
The right thing is sometimes a very hard thing to do, but I'm sure you did what was best for all involved.
Good luck on the distribution process!  That, too, is quite a job.
Love and hugs...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 3/5/2006 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Guess what? I talked to Mother last night. She does not have a phone in her room yet, so I asked my brother to call on his cell phone so I could talk to her. She told me her room was lovely, she had met some really nice ladies and all in all she sounded so upbeat I couldn't believe it was my mother. There was no way she would have ever moved to TX and there was no way I could care for her if she did. My brother and sil talked about keeping her in their home for at least a few months, but not one of them would have been happy with that arrangement. This way Mother has her own place and her own furniture (as much as fits in the area). I just pray she continues to be upbeat. She has been very lonely living alone and not seeing people enough. This building is built in the round and all the rooms on the floor open into a common lounge area where activities and conversations are taking place all the time. She can join in when she wants and close her door and be alone if she wants. It is so difficult dealing with the elderly when you are about there yourself, especially. LOL She still thinks I am young. Yeah, right! L&H, MK

PS As for the distribution process, we have that pretty well worked out already.  Believe it or not no two people wanted the same items.  We still have a few things left over like a lovely 1950 Duncan Phyffe dining room set that is just not what most people want today unless they are into antiques.  My nephew and his wife will take care of it.  I tried to find someone interested but didn't.

Post Edited (gma) : 3/5/2006 6:50:15 AM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 539
   Posted 3/5/2006 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
{{{MK}}}, boy your head must've been spinning.  It does sound like Mother is coping better from your last conversation with her.  Her place sounds great and hopefully she'll soon think so too.  How lucky she is to have such caring "kids".  (Thought you'd like the "kids" line.) 
Good luck on your trip East.  You'll be in my prayers.
Love you,
Friends are God's way of taking really good care of us.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1294
   Posted 3/6/2006 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   


What a relief for you and yor brother.  It is hard to place them in a new living envirnoment, but you have done the right thing.  She not only will have people around her but like you said someone will be with her 24/7.  My sisters and I have our Mother in assisted living now and although she complains at times she is settled.  This village has a nursing home attached to it that will be there when Mom needs to be under constant care.  They take good care of her.

I have you and your family in my prayers.



Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 688
   Posted 3/6/2006 9:18 PM (GMT -7)   

I was going to write and say how sorry I was for what you are going thru but it looks like everything is okay now. She will probably love the interaction with all of the other people. I will keep both of you in my prayers.


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