a friend in need

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New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/19/2006 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I got a call from a friend she is 56, she has had a large lump in her breast for a year now, with a sore that is open and discharging. She will not see a doctor, she is a heavy smoker and recently a widow, she wants me to find information out for her, can anyone give me anything I can tell her, I have told her a hundred times to see a doctor, thanks.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 829
   Posted 5/20/2006 8:51 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't think there is anyone here who could tell her differently than you have. In fact, it sounds like your friend is in bad shape. No one should live with a "large lump" for a year. The lump becoming open and discharging just makes things worse.

If she doesn't want to see a dr, there isn't anything you can do about it and there isn't any other advice we could give her.

Sorry, Jo-Ann
A good friend will bail you out of jail...
but a true friend will be sitting
next to you saying,
"Dâmn... that was fun!".

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 5/21/2006 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   

I agree w/ what Jo-Ann has said. You stated that she was a recent widow. Was her husband sick for sometime? If so, perhaps she is tired as well as afraid of drs. Although this is no excuse for her ignoring her medical condition, it might be a reason. Does she have children? Grandchildren? If so, you might use them as the reason she needs to seek medical advice ASAP! Ask her if she wants her kids to lose both parents w/in a year. The bottom line is that unless she is willing to seek medical help, there is nothing more you can do.

Lots of prayers for you!



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 688
   Posted 5/21/2006 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Whatever it takes to get her to the Dr you need to do it. She is in denial and needs to be seen by a DR as soon as possible. Does she have internet? so that she can come to this site too? She will have lots of support if she does and we will be with her all of the way. I will pray that it is something else and that she will be fine. Keep urging her to go.


New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/21/2006 11:01 AM (GMT -7)   
thank you so much for your thoughts and ideas, she has no family at all, she devoted her life to her husband, when he died of alcoholism, she was alone, to make it worse i worked with her and she was let go, been unemployed for two years, i think she has lost her will to live..she has a beautiful apartment filled with valuables, which i think she should sell to get the medical help she needs, she refuses to write a will. She evn has investment money, but wont use anything for medical, I think she is just commiting suicide and this lump is doing it for her, to all of you this lump that has grown for a year and is seeping fluid and blood, is bad, i assume, I have been lucky to not have had breast cancer and I am at a loss as to the symptoms and how bad this is, I have tried for years to have her get a Mammogram, I go every year. I really appreciate all of your insight and ideas, I am at a loss here

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1564
   Posted 5/23/2006 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
If insurance is the issue for your friend, there are organizations that can help with the expense of a breast cancer battle. If she has other resources that she is unwilling to use, however, I don't think that information would help her. If she has cancer, and if it is advanced, she could probably qualify for disability from SSA. I think it takes two years before you are eligible for Medicare under the disability program.

I am sorry you are fighting this battle for her instead of with her. There may be nothing you can do to change her mind. Some people simply choose to do nothing. While that is not a choice we have made here, it is a choice in the options of dealing with cancer, whether it is diagnosed or not.

If you didn't think her problem were serious, I doubt you would have made your way to this board. I can't help but believe that she thinks it could be serious as well. Breast cancer, especially when treated agressively and early, is not necessarily a death sentence. Many people don't realize that...and there are many more who don't realize that you can die of breast cancer at all.

Good luck to you. I know you have made it your mission to help your friend. But I had a dear friend whose favorite saying was, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." I think your friend is refusing to drink.


New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/23/2006 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
you are correct, I wish she would fight more to be healthy. She does not have insurance, but she does have funds. I took an agressive step, I called a friend who has had breast cancer, and been cancer free for many years, she gave me a dr name, I called him and gave her all the info, it is up to her, she has my support, whatever happens, but she has to do something..not just let it sit. I am hoping she will make an appointment. I thank you all and wish you all well and good health

New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/27/2006 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   
finally....my friend made the doctors appointment with a surgeon, for the 16th, i am so glad she is finally doing something, i will let everyone know the outcome and thanks again
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