Jpann, wow, I feel for you! I was diagnosed Nov. 30, 1999 and your posts sound just how I felt...we all felt that way. The fear can be overwhelming, but try to break it down one step at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time. If the reading is too much, take a break. I too read what I could, and I tried to stop when it became too much. The first few days are a whirlwind of information, stats, questions, appointments, tests and more tests.
I bought my first computer in honor of my diagnosis, figuring I would need support. I found this group of women, many of whom still post here today,a nd they cheered me on through surgery and chemo and rads...and we all are here for each other through lifes ups and downs and in betweens.
Yes, the questions and waiting are the worst part of it..tell yourself that you CAN do this and the worst will be over soon. For me, knowledge was power and I needed to be in control. I needed to DO something. Just making appointments and having a PLAN was empowering for me. I cried every day for the first week in between diagnosis and my next surgeon appointment. I walked out of there with several appt slips in hand and a new sense of control. A great piece of advice that I can offer is to make a list of questions and bring a tape recorder with you to the appointments. That way you can go back and listen and take notes and make new lists later, in the comfort of your home.
And as for decisions, take your time. Read, talk to us and get a second opinion if you are not sure. And remember that statistics are just numbers....they tell the overall story and try to predict what should happen, but no one can say what will be for you. JoAnn is a great statistical story....she can tell you what low odds they gave her to live a couple years and she is over 10 years out, still cancer free. Pooey to the stats!
Where do you live? You may want to contact ACS or your local hospital for support group information too.
Hang in there...these first days are definitely the worst and things should only get better...