Thanks for your kind reply hippimom and thanks to Judilyn who corrected my first post.
I am currently waiting for my complete hormone overview test results to come back, this had my testosterone, eostrogen, dhea, dheas, tested with a 24 hour cortisol test aswell as a full thyroid picture. Should be here any day now and I feel is my last hope to get some conclusive answers as to whats going on inside. The thing that makes me livid is that I have been pushing for this test for two years with my doctors and for some reson they are so reluctant to do it I have no idea what their problem is but you would think if someone came into your surgery feeling as we feel would you not offer them any help you could to rectify the situation?? Its as if they are paying out of their own pocket, UNBELIEVABLE!!
Anyway i've had to pay £300 for this test, told my doctor and they've got the cheek to say bring the results back in and we'll have a look, what a joke. I am 100% certain, as you are hippimom, that my bouts of tension anxiety and occasional waves of feeling pretty low are dowm to the fact that you just cant do what you used to do and because enjoyment(I mean the times when you are fully concentrated on doing something exciting and fun, without that niggling i'm not well feeling) just seems out of reach most of the time. This is NOT down to depression or anxiety, they are just offshoots of a bigger underlying problem which i'm sure CAN AND WILL be fixed!!
I regret to say that as this bad time for me has slowly progressed I have deveoped a sort of hatred for alot of types of people and professionals. I know this is by no means the best way of being but I am an extremely angry, prickly young man at the lack of understanding and empathy for the ones of us who drop out of the "normal way" of living for these periods in our lives and is one of the reasons, along with the fact that it makes me feel like crap, that I stopped going out and drinking beer as all of my pent up aggression and hatred would usually be released in the pub enviroment, not good .
One thing I have learned to do, as should anyone else in these situations, is give yourself credit for ANYTHING you manage to do no matter how small, because when your like this even getting out of bed can be a massive effort, so make sure you tell tourself WELL DONE! I have made massive leaps and bound in the 9 months that this has been just about unbearable( although the undercurrent of "there's something really not right here" has been a good few years) and if you really think about it, we have all been being doctors, doing the jobs of ignorant proffesionals, researching in our spare time, probably pushing ourselves through our jobs aswell, trying to keep social lives intact whilst on and off crippling zombie'ing needless medications, trying to exercise and keep in shape, trying to keep family onside proving that you do like them and your not just lazy, all of modern lifes financial worries and all of this while you feel like you are about to drop off the face of the earth!!
Anyone reading this having simalar problems just read paragraph again and realise, that although you may feel the weakest you have ever felt in your life, LOOK AT HOW UNBELIEVABLY STRONG YOU REALLY ARE and when you get through this, you will be a force to be reckoned with, queitly, contentedly, powerful, happy to watch the others flee around in the rat race and while yes you'll still have your responsibilities they will now seem a piece of cake compared to what you have encountered and conquered as your knew outlook on life will be a refreshing one.
Now I just need my test results and I will begin my journey to not just recovery but to surpassing what I did before and feel better doing it, I hope people can take inspiration from me and do the same, no doubt it is excruciatingly hard at times but it can and will be done, remember that.