Chronic Fatigue makes me angry!

I have never had a doctor specifically say I have CFS (probably because I have never specifically searched out a hard and fast diagnoses for the problem), but I *know* that I have it, as do other members of my family. I also know why I have it: I have a repaired heart birth defect (one side functions at 58% and the other at 64%, but I am able to do all normal activities), I have recurring anemia, and I suffer from depression (although it is managed through meds, even when I am happy, I think something is there dragging my energy down).

Anyway, I HATE it! I always feel like I'm sooooo lazy. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I can never accomplish as much as I would like to in a day. And getting out of bed in the morning is the worst! It feels like such an impossible task. Then, I start feeling depressed because I feel like a lazy bum who can't get anything done. And I am the kind of person who has so many hobbies and interests, I feel like I could live a hundred lifetimes and still never do everything that I wanted. Oh, and the icing on the cake is that I married an early bird who is also the world's most energetic man. He doesn't even drink caffeinated anything because it makes him act like he is on speed or something (I once witnessed this, after he accepted a dare to drink a 2-liter of Pepsi. I couldn't even understand what he was saying because he was talking so fast.), and he can't take naps during the day even if he feels tired. He can't comprehend my level of tired at all. So, next to him I feel like I'm a super lazy slacker, which often triggers my depression. And he doesn't help! He tells me, "Well, if you want to get more stuff done, just get up earlier and try harder. If you really want to do something, you can do it.". He thinks that my "reasons" for fatigue are just "excuses", and then I start thinking maybe I am just lazy and it is all in my head. And no, he's not pushing me to get more stuff done. I am the one who wants to do more. I just feel so depressed right now. I wish I could fix it and make it go away. Why can't I just have the energy of a normal person (or 10,000 suns for that matter)?

have you ever had a sleep study? I had one and it turns out that I stop breathing about every 5 minutes in my sleep. who would have known? SO now I sleep with cpap machine and the fatigue is slightly better,(just restarted cpap) so maybe look into it.

also there are drugs that may help. Ritalin, adderal, and provigil come to mind.

HI, I AM NEW TO THIS FORUM AND LIKE ALL OF YOU ABOVE I AM MARRIED TO A CFS AND FIBRO SUFFERER, BUT I AM THE WIFE!

I JUST JOINED THIS FORUM TODAY BECAUSE I FEEL LOST, LONELY AND ANGRY. WHLE MY HUSBAND HAS NEVER BEEN A "BALL OF FIRE"......HIS ILLNESS AND LACK OF WILLINESS TO TRY ANY SOLUTIONS HAS TAKEN A TOLL ON OUR MARRIAGE AND MOST OF HIS FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS.

WE HAVE 3 CHILDREN AND FOR THE MOST PART, I AM A "SINGLE MOM".....I DO EVERYTHING WITH AND FOR THE KIDS. I AM EXPECTED TO MAINTAIN THE HOUSEHOLD INSIDE AND OUT, CARE FOR THE CHILDREN, JUGGLE SCHEDULES AND ATTEND ALL SOCIAL OBLIGATIONS BY MYSELF. IT GETS TIRESOME AND OLD AND MOSTLY LONELY.

MY HUSBAND HAS BOUTS WHERE HE CAN BE IN BED FOR 11 DAYS STRAIGHT WITHOUT EVEN COMING OUT, NOT EVEN TO EAT, HE JUST LIVES ON THE SNACKS THE KIDS BRING HIM.

HE DOES HAVE SMALL AMOUNTS OF TIME, MAYBE 3 DAYS IN ROW (AND THAT IS HUGE) WHERE HE DOES FEEL "FUNCTIONABLE" AND THAT TIME HE SPENDS DOING ONE OF HIS HOBBIES, NOT SPENDING TIME WITH ME OR OUR KIDS, NOT HELPING OUT AND WORST OF ALL HARDLY COMMUNICATES WITH ANY OF US. IN ADDITION, HE HAS TIMES WHERE HE SLEEPS ALL DAY AND THEN GETS UP AT MAYBE 8:00 PM WHEN THE HOUSE AND KIDS ARE DOWN FOR THE NIGHT. WHEN I ASK HIM about THIS HE GETS VERY VULGAR WITH ME. I FEEL I DO NOT DESERVE THIS AS I AM AN HONORABLE PERSON, A GOOD WIFE AND AN EXTREMELY EXCELLENT MOTHER ON MOST DAYS! I HAVE ALWAYS BRUSHED HIS CRUEL WORD OFF AS PART OF HIS PHYSICAL CHALLANGES, BUT NOW I QUESTION THAT.

I ATTEND WEDDINGS, HOLIDAY FUNCTIONS, SCHOOL FUNCTIONS AND SPORTING EVENTS ALL BY MYSELF, EVEN IF HE IS UP AND HAVING "FUNCTIONING DAYS", HE DOES NOT COME WITH ME FOR THE SIMPLE FACT "HE JUST NOT WHAT TO GO."

HE IS MISSING HIS KIDS GROWING UP AND DOES NOT EVEN REALIZE THAT.

IF IT WERE NOT FOR ME, THE KIDS WOULD NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS, THEIR GRANDPARENTS, AND AGAIN THAT IS JUST EXPECTED OR HE CPOULD CARE LESS IF THEY SEE THEM OR NOT. HIS REALTIONSHIP WITH HIS FATHER IS ALL BUT GONE AND HIS MOM TRIES TO BE SUPPORTIVE.

THE KICKER IS I AM ALSO NOT 100% HEALTHY, I SUFFER FROM ANXIETY (IMAGINE THAT), TMJ, RA AND LUPUS....ALL OF WHICH GOES UNNOTICED BY HIM.

THE CHILDREN ARE GETTING TO THE AGE WHERE THEY ARE SEEING DAD IN BED ALL DAY ALMOST EVERYDAY AND NIGHT AND STARTING TO ACT OUT. I HAVE BEEN TAKING THE OLDEST ONE TO A THERAPIST.

MY QUESTION IS, IF SOMEONE IS UNWILLING TO SEEK MORE HELP LIKE MY HUSBAND WHO SEEMS CONTENT IN HIS OWN LITTLE WORLD, WHILE THE REST OF US RESEARCH ALL OVER TO TRY TO FIND THINGS TO HELP HIM, WHAT DO I DO?

I HAVE CONVINCED HIM TO GO GLUTEN FREE WHICH HAS REALLY HELPED. BUT HE GETS ZERO EXERCISE AND NEVER SEES THE DAYLIGHT. HE HAS BEEN TESTED FOR A VITAMIN D DEF....AND THE RESULTS CAME BACK 2 WEEKS AGO AND HE HAS NOT CALLED THE DOC BACK TO GET THEM.

I HAVE SUGGESTED HE ASK HIS DOC about VIT B AND OTHER NON MEDICATION WAYS, BUT HE IS VERY STUBBBORN AND AGAIN HIS RESPONSES TO ME ARE LESS THAN PLEASANT....IN FACT I MAY GET KICKED OFF THE FORUM IF I USE THEM. AAHHHH

I AM 44, WITH A 12 YEAR OLD SON, A 6 YEAR OLD SON AND A 1YEAR OLD DAUGHTER...SHE JUST TURNED 1 A FEW DAYS AGO AND HER DAD STAYED IN BED FOR BOTH OF HER CELEBRATIONS....AGAIN WHEN ASKED about THIS HIS RESPONSE WAS UNFORGIVABLE.

I LOVE HIM AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO HIM FOR 15 YEARS, BUT THE LAST 10 HAVE BEEN A BATTLE. I AM COLLEGE EDUCATED AND AT ONE POINT HAD AN EXTREMELY WELL PAYING JOB, BUT I QUIT IT BECUASE I COULD NOT BALANCE IT ALL....NOW I REGRET THAT BECAUSE I FEEL TRAPPED EVEN IF I CHOOSE TO LEAVE (WHICH I DO NOT NOW).

CAN ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME TO MAYBE BE A BETTER SPOUSE, ANY IDEAS FROM YOUR OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME.

WARM WISHES,

MY GRACIE GIRL

any suggestionson how to handle him?

Gracie,

I too am the wife of a man with a chronic illness (hemi-cranium continua).  My husband, too, spends a lot of time in bed, and I often feel like a single parent.  And it is so very hard.  My husband, unlike yours, is not vulger.  Yes, he gets crabby and withdrawn because he is in pain, but for the most part, he is a great guy.   I  suggest you get counseling.   For your sake, and for the sake of your children.

 

Hi, Gracie,

Currently my husband is in a medication induced remission.  It has only been about three months.  Prior to his remission, he suffered from a unilateral (one-sided) headache 24/7.   This is a very rare disorder (though there are two other people on this forum who have it).  It was only in the last six months that he was correctly diagnosed.

My husband's headache was accompanied by a loud buzzing behind his left ear, and at night he would wake up irritated because he thought someone was out mowing the lawn in the middle of the night.  We suffered through many diagnosis' and many drug treatment plans, many side effects and withdrawls.  The withdrawls for me were the worst, because during that time he would become verbally agressive.  We also struggled through perscribed drug overdoses that caused him to make some pretty stupid decisions.

During all this time, my husband was able to continue working, but only because his job was quite flexible.  He also has a great boss.  But the times when he was home, he was largely out of commision.  For me, this meant I had to be a single parent to our four kids.  I prayed about it a lot and just decided to be the best single parent I could be, and I leaned heavily on a lot of people for help.

I did seek counseling, and for me it was quite helpful.  In addition to my husband's illness, I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress disorder.   Currently I have it under control.  It was at its worst when my husband was at his sickest.  The combination of the two illnesses drove me to get help.

My husband still struggles  with some things.....and me too.  But thing are better for us...in part, because I got help, learned to lay boundaries.

I hope this helps. 

 

Wow, what a great answer!!!!

As Jasmine said, lots of people find help in the CoQ10 stuff. (Didn't do anything for me but Malic acid worked.) And as with all supplements, vitamins and over the counter medications, keep a list and take it with you each time you go to the doctor. This will aid him/her in your diagnosis and prevent problems from drug interactions and over medicating.

Cocoa,
Share away, PLEASE! As long as you aren't selling the product or don't work for the company who produces it we are all about sharing information on this website. That's what forums are for.

Moderator says we can not share a product we are selling . . . how are people supposed to get well?  I suffered for 18 years w/ a myriad of debilitating immune illnesses (Chronic Fatigue, Epstein-Barr virus) I was introduced to a botanical product that put my illness into full remission.  I have tried every single "hyped up" product on the market -- nothing worked for me!  My girlfriend suffering from Lyme disease, Chronic Fatigue, EBV and fybromyalgia is symptom free after traveling the world and spending tons of $$$ with specialists all to no avail until I introduced this product to her.

To make a long story short, I opted to NOT return to my lawfirm and 6-figure income because I am on a mission to help people on this forum and anyone else .. . The suffering is HORRIBLE especially when no one believes you or thinks you are "lazy."

Anyone out there suffering please call me at 707-652-2604.  There is hope!