HI, I AM NEW TO THIS FORUM AND LIKE ALL OF YOU ABOVE I AM MARRIED TO A CFS AND FIBRO SUFFERER, BUT I AM THE WIFE!
I JUST JOINED THIS FORUM TODAY BECAUSE I FEEL LOST, LONELY AND ANGRY. WHLE MY HUSBAND HAS NEVER BEEN A "BALL OF FIRE"......HIS ILLNESS AND LACK OF WILLINESS TO TRY ANY SOLUTIONS HAS TAKEN A TOLL ON OUR MARRIAGE AND MOST OF HIS FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS.
WE HAVE 3 CHILDREN AND FOR THE MOST PART, I AM A "SINGLE MOM".....I DO EVERYTHING WITH AND FOR THE KIDS. I AM EXPECTED TO MAINTAIN THE HOUSEHOLD INSIDE AND OUT, CARE FOR THE CHILDREN, JUGGLE SCHEDULES AND ATTEND ALL SOCIAL OBLIGATIONS BY MYSELF. IT GETS TIRESOME AND OLD AND MOSTLY LONELY.
MY HUSBAND HAS BOUTS WHERE HE CAN BE IN BED FOR 11 DAYS STRAIGHT WITHOUT EVEN COMING OUT, NOT EVEN TO EAT, HE JUST LIVES ON THE SNACKS THE KIDS BRING HIM.
HE DOES HAVE SMALL AMOUNTS OF TIME, MAYBE 3 DAYS IN ROW (AND THAT IS HUGE) WHERE HE DOES FEEL "FUNCTIONABLE" AND THAT TIME HE SPENDS DOING ONE OF HIS HOBBIES, NOT SPENDING TIME WITH ME OR OUR KIDS, NOT HELPING OUT AND WORST OF ALL HARDLY COMMUNICATES WITH ANY OF US. IN ADDITION, HE HAS TIMES WHERE HE SLEEPS ALL DAY AND THEN GETS UP AT MAYBE 8:00 PM WHEN THE HOUSE AND KIDS ARE DOWN FOR THE NIGHT. WHEN I ASK HIM about THIS HE GETS VERY VULGAR WITH ME. I FEEL I DO NOT DESERVE THIS AS I AM AN HONORABLE PERSON, A GOOD WIFE AND AN EXTREMELY EXCELLENT MOTHER ON MOST DAYS! I HAVE ALWAYS BRUSHED HIS CRUEL WORD OFF AS PART OF HIS PHYSICAL CHALLANGES, BUT NOW I QUESTION THAT.
I ATTEND WEDDINGS, HOLIDAY FUNCTIONS, SCHOOL FUNCTIONS AND SPORTING EVENTS ALL BY MYSELF, EVEN IF HE IS UP AND HAVING "FUNCTIONING DAYS", HE DOES NOT COME WITH ME FOR THE SIMPLE FACT "HE JUST NOT WHAT TO GO."
HE IS MISSING HIS KIDS GROWING UP AND DOES NOT EVEN REALIZE THAT.
IF IT WERE NOT FOR ME, THE KIDS WOULD NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS, THEIR GRANDPARENTS, AND AGAIN THAT IS JUST EXPECTED OR HE CPOULD CARE LESS IF THEY SEE THEM OR NOT. HIS REALTIONSHIP WITH HIS FATHER IS ALL BUT GONE AND HIS MOM TRIES TO BE SUPPORTIVE.
THE KICKER IS I AM ALSO NOT 100% HEALTHY, I SUFFER FROM ANXIETY (IMAGINE THAT), TMJ, RA AND LUPUS....ALL OF WHICH GOES UNNOTICED BY HIM.
THE CHILDREN ARE GETTING TO THE AGE WHERE THEY ARE SEEING DAD IN BED ALL DAY ALMOST EVERYDAY AND NIGHT AND STARTING TO ACT OUT. I HAVE BEEN TAKING THE OLDEST ONE TO A THERAPIST.
MY QUESTION IS, IF SOMEONE IS UNWILLING TO SEEK MORE HELP LIKE MY HUSBAND WHO SEEMS CONTENT IN HIS OWN LITTLE WORLD, WHILE THE REST OF US RESEARCH ALL OVER TO TRY TO FIND THINGS TO HELP HIM, WHAT DO I DO?
I HAVE CONVINCED HIM TO GO GLUTEN FREE WHICH HAS REALLY HELPED. BUT HE GETS ZERO EXERCISE AND NEVER SEES THE DAYLIGHT. HE HAS BEEN TESTED FOR A VITAMIN D DEF....AND THE RESULTS CAME BACK 2 WEEKS AGO AND HE HAS NOT CALLED THE DOC BACK TO GET THEM.
I HAVE SUGGESTED HE ASK HIS DOC about VIT B AND OTHER NON MEDICATION WAYS, BUT HE IS VERY STUBBBORN AND AGAIN HIS RESPONSES TO ME ARE LESS THAN PLEASANT....IN FACT I MAY GET KICKED OFF THE FORUM IF I USE THEM. AAHHHH
I AM 44, WITH A 12 YEAR OLD SON, A 6 YEAR OLD SON AND A 1YEAR OLD DAUGHTER...SHE JUST TURNED 1 A FEW DAYS AGO AND HER DAD STAYED IN BED FOR BOTH OF HER CELEBRATIONS....AGAIN WHEN ASKED about THIS HIS RESPONSE WAS UNFORGIVABLE.
I LOVE HIM AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO HIM FOR 15 YEARS, BUT THE LAST 10 HAVE BEEN A BATTLE. I AM COLLEGE EDUCATED AND AT ONE POINT HAD AN EXTREMELY WELL PAYING JOB, BUT I QUIT IT BECUASE I COULD NOT BALANCE IT ALL....NOW I REGRET THAT BECAUSE I FEEL TRAPPED EVEN IF I CHOOSE TO LEAVE (WHICH I DO NOT NOW).
CAN ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME TO MAYBE BE A BETTER SPOUSE, ANY IDEAS FROM YOUR OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME.
WARM WISHES,
MY GRACIE GIRL