Helping others understand/communicating with a spouse

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2016
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/23/2016 4:50 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been married for 11 years and have been sick for most of it with chronic fatigue. I have found that sticking to a certain routine/schedule really helps. If I'm able to stick to it consistently it has a snowball effect - I'm able to sleep better, have much less pain, and just all around function continually better. If I am not able to stick to it, a snowball effect happens of less sleep so more pain, more pain so less sleep, etc.

My wife thinks I'm going to be sick no matter what, so we disagree on things like vacations and putting the kids in sports programs.

I try to be as flexible as possible and often just absorb the pain and exhaustion so that other people can enjoy their lives, but some things are just too much.

Does anyone have any advice on how to communicate with a spouse on this?


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 732
   Posted 7/25/2016 5:51 AM (GMT -6)   
MartinRiggs, we have an invisible illness that other people can't see. When we push ourselves all of the time to accommodate what others want to do, they begin to downplay our illness & think you should be able to do it all of the time. I found that until I realized I have a disabling illness that I can't control, no one took me seriously. I had thought I could control the illness & I did a good job of convincing everyone else too. Until you start living within your bounds no one will take you seriously. Convince yourself that you can't control it & it is debilitating and you can then live within your boundaries. There are times you will not be able to push yourself, just say no to people who want you to go ahead & do it. Let them know that if you can push yourself a little you will do it but there will be a consequence you will have to pay. Be verbal about your illness & don't feel guilty for the things you can not do. You did not ask to be ill. I hope you can convince your wife that this is a real illness, you need her support. Hugs, Denise
Fibromyalgia-dx'd: 2006, ME/CFS-dx'd: 2006, Holt-Oram Syndrome dx'd 1975, reduced lung capacity dx'd 2009, nasal allergies, food allergies, depression (lifetime problem) IBS, neuropathy in hips

I have 4 children & 7 grandchildren.

As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it. Prov. 25:11
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