CFS relationship issues

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Megzlegz
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2017
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/5/2017 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I am 25 and have CFS and recently it's got worse and I've now been signed off work temporarily.
I've been in a relationship for 7 months but my boyfriend is not very understanding.
I know it's difficult for him so I try to not talk about it but recently he said " the doctors better sort you out because I'm not putting up with this forever cos it's stressing me out " I said to him there isn't a cure and I'm the one who has the illness and he said I am selfish not taking his feelings into consideration and that was that he hung up the phone.

I sent him the following text message in ny rage...

I don't know what tomorrow brings I don't know whether I'm gonna feel better I don't know whether next month il be okay again .
All I know is that right now I feel like crap physically emotionally an mentally.
I'm so sick of feeling crap an feelings useless an crying over feeling crap an useless.
But I can't have my boyfriend telling me I'm selfish an telling me all I do is go on about it an he can't be bothered with me when I'm already feeling so so low you have no idea how low.
So if you genuinely think those things and the reason you want me to be okay is because it's 'stressing you' out .. then you need to reevaluate what you're gonna do.
Cos if anything happened to you I would never walk away. But I can't say the same for you.
An if your not sure you love me enough to stick around now then I suggest you walk away because I am not going to have you leave me months down the line if im having a 'bad day' or a bad week or a bad month.
I'm not saying this out of spite I'm saying this cos I can't have you making me feel guilty for being ill.
If you could feel the way I feel for one day you would feel so bad for calling me selfish an telling me you can't be bothered with me.
I don't deserve to be ill but i also don't deserve someone who makes me feel crap for being ill.

Sorry it's very long.. but I don't know what to do now.. I just don't know whether he can't handle it or am I being selfish ?
Please help 😊😊😊

ladybugdreams
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 3/7/2017 5:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Megzlegz, Wow, I love how strong you are & what you said. Even though you are ill, you deserve to have a mate who cares deeply about you & your feelings. Sounds like your boyfriend is a bit shallow, that is not to say he couldn't change but don't count on it. I have been ill with CFS/ME for 12 years, I still feel unwell most of the time & so it is unknown whether you will get better or not. My husband was very sorry for my illness even though he didn't understand it. He was loving & kind. He died in 2009, I have remained single because it is easier for me that way but I am 65 & you are 25. You will find someone who loves you for who you are & will care for you & understand your illness & limitations. It is hard being sick & trying at the same time to keep someone happy, you can't hide your illness it is impossible & pushing yourself will only make you sicker. Stress is not good for us, we will use a lot of our energy by stressing out, you need your energy for living your life. I hope you figure out what you want to do, I wish the best for you. Let us know what you decide to do. Hugs, Denise
Fibromyalgia-dx'd: 2006, ME/CFS-dx'd: 2006, Holt-Oram Syndrome dx'd 1975, reduced lung capacity dx'd 2009, nasal allergies, food allergies, depression (lifetime problem) IBS, neuropathy in hips

I have 4 children & 7 grandchildren.

As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it. Prov. 25:11

LexiRae
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 828
   Posted 4/21/2017 7:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I completely understand where you're coming from but I also understand him too.

Look at from his side for a sec.... Yes you are the one with CFS. But he's the one having to watch helplessly as you go thru it. He can't fix it. He can't take it on himself. And he probably feels horrible.

Its extremely stressful and frustrating to watch someone you care for struggling day in and day out.

We all vent and say things that come from the emotion of the moment rather than truth.

If he's supposed to cut you slack for your illness, you should also cut him slack for the consequences of your illness. Make sense?

Not saying he was in the right; he could have chosen his words more carefully, but men are fixers. And most are not very eloquent in times like this.

I've been with my man for 9 years. During that time I've come to realize that watching me deal with my own condition is actually harder on him sometimes than me. And if I can ease him by letting him vent his frustrations (even when the words are hurtful or unfair or harsh) then Im okay with that. Because I know where it comes from, and because even when he says 'this is too hard' he stays beside me.

So I guess all I mean is take what he says in those moments with a grain of salt, and instead focus more on what he does. If he sticks around, give him a bit of credit. If he leaves and stays gone, then its probably for the best and the right person for you is out there yet!

fembot
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2017
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 4/23/2017 11:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Honestly, you're 25 and have been in this relationship for 7 months? I would just dump him and focus on getting better. He's not going to understand. It hurts now, but it will be better fo you in the long run and for your sanity. Also by the time you hopefully feel better there will be more mature men out there for you. This guy sounds like a baby.
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