Big crash coming on

Yikes! I'm so sorry to hear of your pain - not just the physical but sounds like you're going through the emotional distress that the limitations of cfs bring with it too. I have often grieved over how long it takes me to do things. Take packing for instance (we have moved a lot). I will spend a week at it, and my husband will come and do in a day do what took me a week. Sigh.

From what your wife said to you, it sounds like she really doesn't understand what you are going through and that naps are not by choice, but by necessity. Sometimes a woman/wife can feel abandoned when her expectations aren't met even if there is a legitimate reason for her demands not getting attention. We women tend to interpret things a certain way like that. So as a woman, I would say it might be helpful to say something like: "I'm so sorry if you feel abandoned or neglected. I try so hard to keep up with things but the pain becomes almost unbearable, and if I don't nap, I will be even more incapacitated to help you with things. I really want to do all I can to support you, but I also really need your support right now too." Invite her to share how she feels by your napping etc. It might make you feel angry or misunderstood etc., if she responds the same way, but remember she is just sharing feelings and needs to get that off her chest. If she sounds accusative, try responding with love and empathy. It's likely that once she has her feelings validated and you give her this time of being validated and nurtured, that she will then be able to give you more empathy as well.

I really don't know your wife at all, but I'm just speaking according to what I've observed in my own seven years of marriage - as hubby and I both are dealing with issues. When we were first married he wanted me to do all the cooking and cleaning, and I was there thinking "What nerve! I can barely keep up with my own needs. If anything, HE should be stepping in and cleaning things FOR me!" But over time, AS HE BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I GO THROUGH, his expectations changed and so did his perceptions.

Likewise, over time, if your wife can be educated and will take an interest in what you actually suffer, she will realize you are not negligent, but qutie the opposite. Your behavior is more comparable to something heroic! Each day you get out of bed and make the choice to use what spunk you do have to take care of your family - you have done more in that day than many regular folks do in a week. I mean, if you think of the price you pay and the work it takes you to get things done, you're the one whose outrunning all the other folks who dont' have fatigue and pain to fight through for the inches they gain in a day. You should feel so proud of yourself for how you keep right on trucking, and obviously you are a very caring dad too. Your wife probably loves you very much but maybe she doesn't know how to deal with your illness, and that's why it is coming out with comments like the one you mentioned above? An illness really is a family affair as it affects everyone. But if you can reach out in compassion, it can go a long way to break through any defensiveness she might be feeling and hopefully you two start really seeing what the other needs to cope with the cfs.

Anyway, we all have times where we have to push ourselves beyond what we should. Life doesn't stop just because we hurt. But it does give times of reprieve. So once this is done, you can rest up. And that means rest without guilt. You deserve it!! You've done great!

All the best, manyembers