Posted 2/3/2008 8:47 PM (GMT -7)
Sbar - Feel free to vent, and believe me, we all have "poor me" days. Sometimes a lot of them, sometimes few of them.
I personally go through stages... it starts with the pain, that slowly builds up, I try doing this or that, things that I SHOULD be able to do, and then after awhile I get MAD. I get mad and I try to not need my pain meds, I try to pretend that the pain isn't there, and then I end up in the REAL pain. The ER trip type of pain. Getting mad never gets me anywhere.
I have to agree with Jen above though, this hit you so fast that you haven't (probably) had time to get past the mad phase. Which is okay. I spent a great deal of time royally hating things right after my back pain got mad a year post surgery. It was like the surgery had never happened. I was mad at everyone, every doctor, my dogs, my cat, my husband, my family, God, and myself. Thing is, I didn't get anywhere being mad. I've found, honestly, knowing that things could always be worse, help. I know there are days where it doesn't feel like they could be worse.
I'm a very faithful person, it was my pain that brought me to God. Once I got past the why did you do this to me, I got to see that He didn't do it to a family member, and honestly that would have hurt me more than my pain does. He didn't take me away from my husband, even though sometimes I feel as if I'm more of a burden to him than anything else. My husband loves me, and wants to be with ME. Despite everything else, I get to sleep next to him, and on nights when I'm in too much pain to sleep, I get to listen to him breathe, and thank God that it's me not him. I've also found that the strength that people see in ME is helpful to them. There are people at my church that tell me I'm so cheerful for someone so young dealing with so much. One person told me that "I" helped her realize how good she has it, she prays to God for me to be in less pain, and at the same time, admits that she thanks Him for not being in my shoes.
You have strenght Sbar, you've made it this far. Healingwell and it's members are more than happy to hear you vent, and help you in any way that we can. To be honest though, the one person that is going to be able to help you the most, is you. You have to make the decision that you are stronger than whatever pain your in. YOU have to decide that you are not the pain, YOU are a person, the pain is just part of your life. You said that you pray, so the last thing that I can say to you, is pray. It's okay to get mad, it's okay to vent, and God does listen. If you don't goto church, consider visiting a pastor. God is there for you, and He believes in you, even when you don't have faith in yourself. When my pain gets unbearable, I pray for strength, and I'm still here. Find that pool of faith, jump in. Your already drowning, and if you believe in God, any God, have faith that if you just wait, He'll show you the reason for such things. I don't always understand things, and I know a great deal of the time, God is screaming at me, trying to teach me something, and I'm hitting the mute button to dwell in self pity. Finally, when I take the time to listen, that pity that I'm drowning in has a hand, His hand, in the form of a friend, a website (healingwell) a family member, is reaching to pull me up for air, and all you have to do, is reach up and take the hand He gives you.
"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of one thing we can be sure; either God will provide something solid to stand on... or we will be taught to fly.'"
"Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of, You might bend, till you break Cause its all you can take; On your knees you look up Decide you've had enough, You get mad you get strong Wipe your hands shake it off, Then you Stand" From "Stand" by Rascal Flatts
Dx.: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Ulcerlative Colitis, Chronic Inflammation of the Colon, Ruptured & Fused L4-L5-S1 w/pinched nerves, Degenerative Disc Disease, Chronic Costochondritis, Back Muscle Spasms, Asthma, Benign Tremmors (hands)