Best friend in severe pain

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 2/28/2008 12:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Everyone. I have been suffering with CP for 6+ now so I know what its like to suffer. Well my best friend, also my neighbor and we go to the same church, has been suffering with great pain. Tonight she was just crying that her hip hurt so bad. She is 60 years old, never had taken pain medication for hardly anything, not even after bashing her knee a few years ago. I'm bugging her to call her doctor, who is a very understanding doctor, to get something done. But she just wont!! I tell her she needs something for that pain, she sits there and moans and cries and even vomits from the pain being so bad. She's scared that EVERYTHING is cancer. I told her that I doubt cancer would make her hip act up, but she wont beleive me. She even thinks her addiction to diet pepsi is giving her cancer. I told her I would drive her to her doctor's appointment and to get the x-rays done (that her doctor asked her to get done 4 months ago). A few weeks ago I gave her some Ibprofen and she was even scared to take that, I told her there was other options besides narcotics for pain, but she wont do anything. She worries about my health way more then she does hers. I just dont know what to do for her, I dont know if maybe i should leave a note to her doctor about this, or would that even make a diffrence or what, but Its just so hard for me to sit here and watch her suffer like this, everyday she's getting worse and worse. What should I do?? Thanks for listening.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16573
   Posted 2/28/2008 2:07 AM (GMT -6)   

Hello Carmen,

Gee she is very lucky to have you for a friend. But, I afraid there is nothing I know you can do. Does she have any family around that knows what is going on? First of all most people don't want to hear someone else complain, but to top it off someone not willing to do anything for themselves is even more incredible. I am not sure I could do want you are by listening to her moan and groan and not be willing to a thing to help herself. This is going to get old after awhile I am afraid. Something else you may need to watch for is how she is affecting you. If she gets you all uptight and stressed this will only aggravate your own problems, so be aware of that. Some people can just suck the life out of others. 

Even if you let the nurse at the drs office know what is going on with her, they cannot force her to come in. Since she has this fear of everything being cancer, she may be in need of some counseling. Have you spoken with the minister at your church about this lady? Its a long shot, but it may be worth a shot.

I wish I could tell you something more positive but, you are really in a no win situation with this person. No one can force her to do anything. She may have all these fears you have spoken of, but in reality if a person is in severe pain they are going to go to the dr no matter what, cancer fear whatever, you would want some one to check you out and see what is going on.

It may be best that you step aside and not be so available to her for a bit of time. If you are her sounding board give yourself a break because you are obviously very worried about her. I would really hate to see this mess cause you extra problems because its enough as it is w/o someone else adding to the mix. Hugs to you. Susie

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 2/28/2008 3:35 AM (GMT -6)   

It is always difficult to see someone in pain especially when we know there is help out there isnt it? Hoping that when the pain gets to the unbearable point she will seek help and it sounds as if that time is not too far off for her.

Some folks are just kinda hard headed and my Mom was like this and it was the most frustrating thing to deal with but unforunately there isnt alot you can do excpet what your doing already and keep encouraging her to see someone but like said dont let it get you down.

With the HIPPA laws being what they are I am not sure calling her Docs office will do you a bit of good as they cannot talk to you about her medically speaking and even if they do they cannot force her to do anything she doesnt want to do anymore then you can.

Someone asked about family? They may have a better chance of getting somewhere with her Docs but even that is iffy and again what can make her do?

It looks as though you can only keep encouraging her to go and being her friend as long as it doesnt cause you problems with your pain issues and then you want do her or yourself any good. Wait until she gets out of it with pain one of these times and call an ambulance for her but remember seh still can refuse to be treated and this is her right as long as she is in a lucid state of mind.

Good luck to you and your friend.

2 knee replacements & a hip.
spondylosis at L-4,5 & S1
arthritis,sciatica all that being a CPer entails!
If you stumble make it part of the dance!

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