For the past few years I've been posting here on Healingwell, and have found it to be a great place for advice, and strength. Also, and most importantly, knowing that I am not alone in dealing with pain every single day.
A month or two ago I posted about
how awesome my doctor was in getting me in when my pain went through the roof and was unbearable for me. I called one day, and was told to come in whenever I was able the next day, and I would get seen. I was given MS Contin on top of my percocets, a pain shot, a muscle relaxer shot, and a shot for anti-inflammitories. It was a gift from God that I didn't think I would get. She also scheduled a CT scan. To get me in for the CT took about
3 weeks. I thought something was off when the person doing the CT told me that my results would be sent over within 24 hours and I should call to set up my appointment.
Life happened, my grandfather ended up very sick with pneumonia, and my family comes first. I called my doctor about
a week before my refill on pain meds was due (normally I set up an appointment) to see if there was any chance that due to the circumstances I could get the script
(s) early. The nurse called me back in about
an hour, telling me that my file was on her "to do" pile, which was why she hadn't found it sooner. She asked me if on top of my ruptured and fused L4-L5-S1 if the bulging L3-L4, and height lessing (or something like that) in the L2-L3 was a problem I'd known about
. I told her it was brand new info. The nurse said that Dr. Hudak would write me the script
s, and to set up an appointment to come in ASAP, but I could get the script
s that day. Well, that was 3 weeks ago, and due to the family emergancy I wont be home until april 14.
I've lost 80 pounds since December 6th due to gastric bypass surgery. I was hoping and praying that the surgery would allow the degenerative disc to disease to slow down, or stop causing problems. I've set limitations on myself that make me so mad at times, out of fear of making my back worse. Only to find out that even much lighter, and no doing half the things I'd like, I still made my back worse.
To say this was a blow is a major understatement. I hung up the phone, and just leaned against the wall, slowly slid down, and bawled. My husband came out and had no idea what was going - he was afraid I'd found out my grandpa had passed away. When I told him about
my back - he teared up for me.
How do you guys deal with this? Knowing that your doing everything you can, and things are getting worse? I've got a pain appointment a new pain center two days after I get back, and my PCP a week after, but I'm still dealing with the fact things are worse. I remember going into this CT scan not being sure what I wanted - justification that my back was worse - because the pain got worse out of no where - OR - to find out it just hurt more, and I hadn't done anything. Finding out my back was worse still is hard for me to wrap my mind around.
People keep asking about
surgery - and all I can think is that the first one didn't do too much good, how could another be any better? I mean I had the fusion - and have still made my back worse. I can't say I'd be willing to undergo another surgery. They are already thinking that some of my problems are scar tissue related, another surgery would just make more.
Advice? I'm trying to find a way to cope with this news - and honestly not getting very far with it. When I think about
it all I can think is "poor me" and that is NOT my type of attitude. I've tried for so long to pretend that I don't have back problems - to have it thrown back in my face that not only do I have them - but it's worse - is very hard to deal with.
Thanks for listening.
"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of one thing we can be sure; either God will provide something solid to stand on... or we will be taught to fly.'"
"Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of, You might bend, till you break Cause its all you can take; On your knees you look up Decide you've had enough, You get mad you get strong Wipe your hands shake it off, Then you Stand" From "Stand" by Rascal Flatts
Dx.: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Ulcerlative Colitis, Chronic Inflammation of the Colon, Ruptured & Fused L4-L5-S1 w/pinched nerves, Degenerative Disc Disease, Chronic Costochondritis, Back Muscle Spasms, Asthma, Benign Tremmors (hands)