Posted 4/7/2008 7:20 AM (GMT -8)
Lonely - Babe, I'm going to be frank. As others have been. You are trying to make sense of his addictive behavior, there is no excuse for abusing medication. NONE. Pain is something that all of us on this forum get. We've all be there. We have days where the meds just aren't enough to get us down to a tolerable level, yet we deal with it.
As an example, there are times that my pain gets so high that I am literally sick from it. Throwing up, unable to even get the pain meds down, because of the pain. There are days when it's all I can do to make it to the door to let the dog out. BUT I still don't double up on medication. I would rather live with a 6 pain level every day than to live witha 4 for two weeks and then an eight or nine the next two weeks.
Your husband is convincing your son that illegal behavior is fine, which it is not. If your son suffers from chronic pain, the addiction that your husband deals with could very easily have been passed down. By allowing your husband to continue this way, and not stand up to it, you are showing your son that the behavior is alright. Sharing pain medication is not just dangerous, it's illegal. Also, if your son isn't prescribed the methadone that your husband gave him for the oxycodone, and the doctor randomly tests him, it shows up, your son is going to lose his right to pain relief. It's that simple.
The main thing to me that shows that your husband is more abusing the medications for the high, than using them for pain relief, is that he has not asked for an increase of medication. If his pain were bad enough, he would tell his doctor that it's not working as well. Right now instead of a doctor patient relationship that is honest, trustworthy, and working your husband is lying to his doctor each time he see's him, just so that he can get that high.
I'm not saying that your husband is not in pain, he very well could be, what I'm saying is that he's not in enough pain to justify how he's using his meds. Again, if he were in constant agonizing pain, he would keep the pain at a constant level all month, rather than trying to get it low at the beginning and allowing it to spike at the end.
Out of love you are trying to understand, and accept the actions of your husband. There is a reason many say that love is blind. The thing is, are you willing to risk your son to avoid dealing with your husbands issues? How okay are you going to be when your son gets put in prison, or loses his right to pain medication, or ends up being taken out in a body bag because he's followed the example set by his father?
Please understand we are worried about you, it's why so many are giving you their honest answers. No one that I've seen, of the many chronic pain people here, has said it's perfectly normal to use medication that way. Every one here suffers, many in my opinion, worse pain than your husband is dealing with, and they choose NOT to abuse their medications.
Your husband is going to get worse, not better, the longer you ignore the problem. His tolerance to pain medication is going to continue to increase requiring more and more medication to give him any high, or relief. At some point he is going to start stealing medication from your son, if he hasn't already, if he says that he's going to go out and get illegal drugs, he very well may do that as well. If thats the case any money you have will be soon gone. Any resemblance of normalcy in your life will also disappear.
As so many have said before me, the choice is up to you. You can chose to ignore the problem, and in doing such, allow it to get worse. OR you can chose to fight for the lives of everyone in your family. Your husband may be a "functioning drug addict", but he's still a drug addict. Just because a book has pretty pictures on the outside, doesn't mean the inside isn't violent, and gruesome. My advice is to fight for your family. If you truly love your husband, get him the help that he needs. If you love your son, show him that his fathers actions are not acceptable, and that you value their lives more than you value the image of a happy family. Your going to need strength, all of the strength you can muster. Call a drug hotline, goto a addicts anonymous meeting, anything. Get yourself a support network, and take action.
Please remember also that by ignoring the problem, you are allowing it to continue. You are empowering your husband to continue his addictive behavior each time you chose to look the other way. You are allowing him to continue to sink lower and lower into the grave he is digging for himself and your family. By allowing things to continue, your losing face with your son. If your son starts this behavior are you going to tell him it's okay to do so? What are you going to say to the future wife of your son when she comes to you seeking help with this very same problem? How are you going to feel when he tells her "mom let dad do it, it's normal"?
The path you chose isn't just your's. You are going to effect the life of your husband, your son, and yourself. Along with any future grandchildren, future wife, and anyone else in your circle of friends and family. What are you going to say the first time you goto a party of someone who's on pain medication, and find out your husband took half their meds to feed his habit? What about when your son is suffering badly from his pain because dad took some of his meds to help himself out? The addictive behaviour could very easily be hereditary, which means your grandchildren could suffer the same things as your husband and son. You need to get a hold on the problem NOW, not later.
The bottom line is this. By ignoring the problem you are saying it's okay. Your not taking action is a choice you are making, and in doing so, your allowing the problem to continue, and giving the addictive behavior your blessing. Inaction IS a choice. The people here at healing well cannot force you to follow through on our advice.
Stop accepting and making excuses for your husband. Life is going to suck for awhile when you confront the problem, but I promise it will be no worse than how things are going to end up if you choose inaction.
I'm going to say a prayer for you as I post this. I really hope you take some of the input from people here to heart. I wish you the absolute best in the future.
I hope no one minds me posting these links:
888 762 3750
866 967 6237
800 784 6776
also try going to www.yellowpages.com and look up "drug hotline" or "prescription drug addiction" for local numbers. consider calling up any church and asking the pastor if they can give you information on a support group for family members of drug addicts.
again, I wish you the best.