Good day one and all, I'm back. After only being gone one day I can't believe how much I missed this site and all of you. I was at the pm dr. yesterday and I have some advice for other patients, do not go to your dr.s office right before lunch or closing. The dr.s are always in a hurry and even though you spend less time there you also lose out on face time which to me is very important. Just a little tip for those of you that don't already know.
To get back to this thread I wanted to share a few things, good and bad that I have encountered during my illness. When I first got sick as I said before it was 6 months before the drs. figured out what was wrong. It was so hard for me because I had a young daughter of 9 at the time and it was very difficult to explain things to her. My family, a loving caring and normally helpfull family did not know what to believe during the 6 mon. I was so ill and they tended to lean towards the it can't be as bad as she says side. That hurt so much. Of course after the facts came out they were all right there for me but it was hard for me to get past them not believing in me in the first place. It was bad enough having to deal with dr.s and er people who were sure I was a drug seeker but when it came to my own family, well that was different. My "Man" we have been together for 22 years was right there with me and yelled and kicked and screamed to make sure I was taken care of pain wise.
I truly believed that after my surgery and the 12 to 18 months of recouperating I would be back to normal. That was a mistake. I'm trying not to ramble but there is so much in my mind that I want to get out that it just seems to spill out.
I heard all of the sayings such as God doesn't give you more than you can handle and this too shall pass and even que sera, sara. As far as I was concerned God obviously had no idea how much I could handle and this too will pass wasn't happening and even que sera,sera seemed like a punishment for something I had done wrong. I couldn't think of anything that I did that would merit the kind of punishment I was receiving.
I had to send my daughter to live with my brother and sister in-law for a whole year, I just couldn't take care of my-self never mind a 9 year old. It was hell, my daughter was my life.
The first time I ever felt like someone understood what kind of pain I was in was when my father-in-law went through several back surgeries himself and he pulled me aside one day and apologized to me for not being more understanding of my situation. He was there as well now. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy but now that he was there I felt validated.
Others in my family slowly came to understand as well and instead of getting upset when I couldn't particapate in family traditions they understood that the cost in pain was too much for me to endure.
I have always been a the glass is half full type person and I still try and stay that way in spite of the pain. Also I like myself, I know I am a good person a positive person and I try very hard to stay that way in spite of the obstacles life has thrown my way. Not that it's easy or that I don't fall back into depression at times. A little whining isn't a bad thing sometimes we just need to.
I have much more to say but a little at a time for now, I don't want people to think I'm having my own pity party going on 24/7. I find so many little things to make me smile and I can't afford to be blue all the time.
Hoping you all have tolerable days and smile when ever you can. That's me out for now,
One more thing I promise, I just want to let you all know that my problems started when I was in my mid to late 30s and at 48 I wish I was doing the the things I was supposed to be doing at this age. Before getting sick I was an artist, a glass artist. I did etched glass for residential and was just branching out into commercial and I pray that one day I will be able to do it again. Before that I was a fashion designer for a company that sold girls thru Juniors clothes. I loved that too. I've always loved to write so this is my new creative outlet for now. I hope that's ok with everyone and for sure I'm out. Toritoo