That's it IT! Lassie sweety. My entire point of it all. No matter what it is each of us desires and int he end will make each of us happy and I am not talking each and every moment of our lives as I just dont think this is possible for anyone,but at least find times when you stop and for no reason other then your happiness you smile for you know that someone loves you and cares about you in a way,that is above all else. So so many times we short change our lives by trading happiness for contentment and we wake up one day and whatever is left of our lives just isnt enough.
I know many folks go their entire life and can honestly say they never really and truly have been happy. We get comfortable and relaxed in our old relationships and facing the challenges of searching or waiting for something right to come along we stick to old faithful even when we know in our heart that the way we are being treated is not love,not passion nor caring and that it most likely is causing us more heartache then happiness each day. We tend to ask ourselves if maybe this isnt all there is and I am not saying here that finding another man is what is going to bring about that happiness, I am not saying you need any such kind of a relationship at all,I just am saying that untill we wash away those that are causing us unhappiness we wont have the opportunity to experience other things that may bring that peacefulness and smile to us more.
My life was so bogged down Lassie from the constant bickering and fighting and the hurt feelings and the knowledge that at times that I felt he looked me with contempt and pure hatred and I know I felt that way about him at times even if it was a breif moment,that there was no room for happines. I was living each day with so much despair and so much depression and had seen darkk clouds for so so long that I was a prisoner of my own feelings! When I finally made up my mind that I had to change something I was not going to survive this then everything else afterwards came easy.
Doing things in your own time is exactly what I meant in my other post and until the time is right for you and I think many times we have to get to a certain state of mind,any changes you make might not stick.
I went 5 years without so much as a date and I was not ancient by any means but after him that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to make sure that when I did it was what I wanted and not settling again for less then I deserve. I spent time with my friends and kids and grandaughter and even lots of good quality time with myself and for the first time in a long time I had only me to please. I went to bed when I wanted if I wanted, I ate if and when and where I wanted, I took vacations, I went shopping, I virtually regressed back to teen years and was footloose so to say.
I now have a relationship that is what I want and need and as unexpected as anything in my life has ever been. I knew him all my life and I mean all of it as we grew up together,went to the same schools,he was my younger brothers best friend as well as his sister was mine and never in all of those years was there any romantic overture to our relationship at all. Then one day I ran into him somewhere and he asked me if I would like to go fishing? Of all things that is one of my least favorite things to do I might add but I did for some reason and now a year and a half later we still "date" we are perfectly happy with this situation and he is out of town alot but I know no matter what I might need or how often I might need it he is willing to go the length to provide it. I can call him anywhere,anytime,for anything and he is there.
I can think of him and smile,I know I am the first thing on his mind when he wakes and the last think before he goes to bed wherever he is. I know this because he makes sure that I know,he does a million little things that assures me of that each day. Are there other people in our lives? There has to be as we both have kids and grandkids but that is different kind of love and different needs that have to be met.
I am 51 years old and never in all of my life has anyone brought true happiness to my heart and soul as he has. I asked one time why we didnt do this all those years ago and he simply said the time was not right and we both needed to grow and experience other things before we could appreciate each other. So so right but I know had my ex still been in my life I wouldnt be here at this point today as he there was not the ability in me to be happy as long as he was sucking life out me as he did.
Be happy and know you deserve that in your life! Dont ever settle for contentment as the only thing in it,its alright to be content sometimes but not alright to settle for nothing else along with it.
I see you as someone getting your ducks in a row and planing your life as you see the need and all of thats ok as long as you dont sell yourself short in the end.
Good luck to you and Gramps look out when she boots him out the door for good!!