(okay first I'm going to apologize this may be way TMI for some, but I'm not good at saying things in the "polite" way).
Next - bravo to you for asking the question, it takes guts.
As far as being in the mood it really depends on what type of pain day I'm having, and a million other factors that all throw themselves in.
On a really bad pain day sex isn't going to happen. On a great day I might even initiate it. Hubby has learned that there are just days when I'm in flat out too much pain to even try to find the time to enjoy sex. On days where I'm not against it, I'm just not in the mood, I let hubby take the lead, he takes the cue from me whether or not he needs to worry about
me "getting mine". There have been a few times when hubby starts trying to start things and I tell him point blank it's not going to happen no matter how much he tries. The awesome thing is - he gets it, he knows it's nothing against him. I also remember that just because I haven't been "in the mood" for a few weeks doesn't mean that he hasn't. There are times when even though I'm not in the mood for myself and I know he is, if I have the energy I may find ways to take care of him so he still gets to enjoy himself and I know that I've made him feel good. Also - we've found that there are certain positions that I just can't do my back won't do it, and I end up in major pain from them. But there are also positions that are easy on my back, yet allow me to enjoy things.
This was one area that surprised me when hubby and I were filling out the forms for my disability application - hubby admitted that he had a hard time initiating sex because of the fact that he worried about
hurting me, or causing me pain, or making my pain worse. It had never even occured to me that he would be affected by things, or that he even took that into consideration.
Some other things you might want to take into consideration are the medications that you are taking. There are quite a few medications that if I've taken them recently it's just not going to happen on my end. I know that when I take my pain medication all the "sensors" are numbed up as much as they can be and nothing is going to feel great and get things going on my end. When I take my nerve pain medication not matter how good things feel - I'm not going to get mine - it can't be done. There are also medications that will take away your libido as well. I don't think any of my meds list "lack of sex drive" or anything similar as a side effect, but it's there none the less.
Not knowing exactly what your pain problems are, there could also be issues directly linked to your pain areas that cause the lack of drive and/or feeling. I'm sure that there are areas of the spine that make our intimate area's less able to feel any stimulation.
So since for the life of me I can't remember whether you are male or female
cookie I'm going to delve myself even deeper in this hole I've dug and go a little more into the TMI area. If you are a guy (or for any guy reading this) and you still want to be able to please your partner remember there are toys and such out there. As a guy if you aren't able to preform for whatever reason there are other the things and toys that if you are willing to try them might be helpful, you might not get anything out of it physically for yourself, but it might help you mentally to know that you are allowing your partner to enjoy themselves. The same goes for a woman - there other forms of, and things that can be used in conjuction with sex that will make things more pleasing for your partner if you are willing to try them.
Yet another thing to remember is that sex can release chemicals in the brain that supposedly lessen pain or something like that. Also if you are able to get into the mood I swear I've read articles that you may experience less pain during the act while the chemicals are being pushed through your system. One of the questions actually on my paperwork for my new pain doctor was whether or not sex relieved any of your pain even mildly. For me there are some times when I think it actually does.
Also - don't be afraid to ask your doctor about
the intimacy problems. No matter what some people say sex is an important part of a relationship to some degree. For many people it's where they get and retain the confidence that their partner finds them attractive, and allows the partner to feel that the other finds them attractive. It also is a way to show your feelings to a small degree. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor or visit a therapist if you start noticing a problem. There might be other medications that might not affect your libido as much, or medications that can help get you in the mood or combat some of the medications that are making it harder to do so.
I guess thats all.
(Forum Moderators I don't THINK I broke any rules being upfront about
these things, if I have I apologize now.)
"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of one thing we can be sure; either God will provide something solid to stand on... or we will be taught to fly.'"
"Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of, You might bend, till you break Cause its all you can take; On your knees you look up Decide you've had enough, You get mad you get strong Wipe your hands shake it off, Then you Stand" From "Stand" by Rascal Flatts
Dx.: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Ulcerlative Colitis, Chronic Inflammation of the Colon, Ruptured & Fused L4-L5-S1 w/pinched nerves, Degenerative Disc Disease, Chronic Costochondritis, Back Muscle Spasms, Asthma, Benign Tremmors (hands)