I really do appriciate all of your responses offering understanding and support.
My initial feelings were due to the fact that I felt no one offered understanding or that they could maybe identify with what I was saying. It was more of a this is what you should do and this is what you are feeling and you 'cant' do that.
It was so hard for me to make that first initial I need support post. So hard. I just eneded up feeling even lonelier than before I had even posted it.
Gramps-I never said you didnt care. And I'm sorry you saw my post as taking my frustrations out on you. I did say that the responses sounded like a contradiction to what has been said on the forum about
the understanding of chronic pain and its advocacy, because thats what they sounded like to me; Instruction on actions, things that people have said there friends and family say to them when they were not understanding chronic pain.
I dont think I was taking my feelings and frustrations out on anybody, only expressing what it felt like to not recieve understanding on my feelings and a judgement call that I did not appriciate. I would hope that you would speak up for yourself if someone made a judgement on you or your feelings because that is not okay. It makes people feel bad and wrong for feeling a certain way. I certainly am not jealous of my husband, especially not because he is healthy. It was only an explination of my feelings about
an action, not a person. I'm sorry you feel the way you do about
To be honest I did feel a little hurt because they made me feel like I wasnt doing something right for myself and if I just got up and went to see a psychiatrist everything would be better.
But my reply was not ment to take anything out on anyone or attack anyone. My intention was to put everything back into question so that someone could understand why I was feeling the way I did about
it. They were about
my notions and understanding of why people were on opioid pain medications to begin with and why we are all fighting to keep the law from shutting us out from that help. I wanted to make sure I was understanding the reasoning behind the actions we are or arent able to take.
As for my dx, its a little embarassing for me. I havent heard anyone on the forum mention it or in any other past posts I've looked through. It is a problem in my core and also is made worse by my endometriosis and visa versa. That is why it is so hard to sit up , stand up or move my torso. I get terrible muscle spasms everytime I do, it feels like someone is ripping me
open. I walk a little bit when I go to the toilet or walk to the kitchen, but those are things that I can stop in the middle of if I need to. I just havent been physically able to get back up the steep metal steps in my house without my husband around incase I get unsteady on my feet which has happened a few times when I thought I didnt need any one elses help. I do not see a pain specialist and perhaps I should. My doctor has mentioned that to me but I didnt want to leave them to find out that a pain doc would take me off my meds. They told me they wouldnt but I am having major trouble as it is, if they take me off I can forget about
getting out of bed at all. But they do know I am in this position and are not surprised at all. I know they want to see what is going to happen on its own for the first few weeks, but that isnt helping me cope.
Maybe when I get more confortable with posting I'll feel okay enough to talk about
my dx, it just isnt easy to talk about
myself like this, infact I'm fighting the urge to delete this and just disapear like the first post, but that would be the easy way and I'd be back to square one.
So thank you everyone for understanding how I was feeling and letting me vent a little in the first place. Please no one think I was trying to take my fustrations out on anyone or making judgements on anyone it just felt very lonely to get those instructive responses with a little judgement thrown in. I'm not used to doing this type of thing, you know the whole being vulnerable.
I guess thats it. I think I'm talked out
In suffering, we are given the key to a door which most rarely
get to open. Behind it lies the ultimate gift which is only visible
in our darkest hour.