Wondering if anyone has any advice on how to cope what to do next. Don't know what's relevant so will post with full background in a bit but I'll need some time to write it all out.
about the time I fell pregnant with my first son (now 10 mnts) my husband's ME kicked back off. I had much verbal abuse and hassle about having an abortion but I decided not to - we had planned the pregnancy. I had no support whilst pregnant and since then have been struggling with husband and baby (who is very well behaved and a great sleeper - it's my husband that has me up all night, baby slept through from 3 weeks!) In Januray when we all caught a sick bug I realised I really needed a break and decided to try and find a help network. Family all work and don't understand. We moved relatviely recently and I didn't ahve any friends locally (had to travel over an hour for a coffee and chat).
However since then so much has happened. In the one and only time we had sex (my husband rejected me he said on the basis of my pregnancy rather than his ME) I fell pregnant again. After arranging my return to work as we need money with my husband now not working since the end of last year, I was then made redundant. Have found a new job (I luckily do have a high end career and hopefully having found a job rather than being unemployed for the next year on my Cv can hope for some sort of financial viability for the family). My husband also decided it was just too stressful living with us and moved out so we are now also having to afford rent on a flat about 30 miles away (he wanted to live where we used to live where there are local shops etc rather than in the middle of the countryside where we are.) Actually it is less stressful now without him living here. Not sure what this menas relationship wise, haven't felt anything about anything in months - just exhaustion.
But can't see a way to get a break - not good at asking - and can't manage to get any help that sounds heklpful from family - my parents are forever offering that me or my son could and live with them - however I don't want to be permamently separated from him and this would mean not having any personal space one thing I am so appreciating have some back since my husband moved out (don't know what to do about this - we are still seeing each toher when he feels a bit better I drive over to the city), adn would mean a ridiculous commute to work.
So I find myself being desperate for a break 4 months ago now 4 months pregnant with a 10 month old son looking after him on my own. Getting up at 5 to get ready and leave the house before 7 to take him to nursery before I go to work. Getting back to the house at 7pm and between having dinner and getting ready for the next day not getting to bed till about 11/12pm. Not sure what to do about my husband or the fact that I know it's going to get physically difficult to do things - being pregnant I'm going to get more tired as time goes on and already I'm having some abdominal muscle issues (despite running marathons and dancing for scotland in the past -there may well be a theme here that I am very independent and an overacheiver) already - I didn't have these till post birth and at the beginning couldn't get out the house for a few weeks and couldn't lift the new born for a few days - yet alone a one year old or take the rubbish out.
My immune system is way down - I've currently picked up another infection and now have antibiotics. I know why I'm exhauseted I ahve a young baby, I'm pregnant, a disabled husband, a husband who has sort of left me, huge financial worries (imagine if you're income dropped to about 10% of what it used to), a full time job, and no support network. I am crap at asking fro help I try and never seem to get it yet my parents help my sister. Beleive it or not in January I asked my parents to commit to coming over once a month to look after my son to give me a break for a couple of hours (they live an hour away and my mum doesn't work) and they said no. Yet this weekend for my sister who lives about 10 minutes away they are travelling to my side of the country to stay in a travellodge and watch their other Grandson while my sister and her husband go to a wedding! I think they do care and want to help I'm just somehow crap at communicating and make a mess of it.
Anyone out there sympathise or do you all think I should just keep getting on with it and kick up my ideas and stop moaning. It feels like I'm failing everywhere.