Thank you very much for your replies. I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon and will be spending the night in a hotel. The service is on Saturday morning and it will be too much for me to drive it all in one shot.
With the exception of my mother, I haven't spoken to any of my other family members in a very long time. I got along quite well with my cousins but because of the distances involved I only had the chance to visit with them on a rare occasion such as when I worked in NYC for a few months.
My brothers however are a different story. I have two and I haven't spoken to one of them in almost 3 years. We had a massive fight and we have not spoken since. He also suffers from chronic pain and has health issues but unlike myself he abuses drugs including his prescript
ions. IE; Oxycontin, Morphine, Dilaudid, Heroin. pretty much anything he can get his hands on. When he would run out of his meds early he would constantly try to get me to give him mine
After awhile when he would call me he would be so messed up I couldn't understand a word he said and I just became tired of it. So that's when had our fight and to make matters worse his children (my niece and nephew) were there and they witnessed us saying terrible things to one another. I was so hurt by all this so I decided it was best if I no longer associated with him but it hasn't been easy he is after all, still my brother and for so many years we were the best of friends.
My other brother is a fairly well known artist and he has the holier than thou attitude. I've tried to speak to him numerous times in person, on the phone, via email but I don't think he really wants anything to do with me. There is always this uncomfortable feeling between us.
I suspect he is upset with me because I am on disability and never did finish my degree. Obtaining a college education was always a big deal with him. I've tried on numerous times even as recently as this past winter. I made it halfway through the semester but my pain levels became so bad due to sitting in those terrible chairs. I tried pillows, different chairs, increasing my BT meds but nothing really helped.
I never told my family I was going back to school because if I couldn't do it I didn't want them holding that over my head.
Needless to say it is going to be very awkward and I am hoping and praying that things go smoothly.
Sigh, There's nothing quite like family is there?
Anyways, thanks again for the support and kind words you guys have no idea how much it means to me. Well, maybe you do now.