I'm sorry to vent so much, but while I'm normally pretty good natured, and from what I've been told handle my pain better than most - I'm virtually breaking down.
two weeks ago my pain started to get worse, and worse. (A short explanation, my new pain doc got sick, and is out for six to eight weeks, so I saw a new doc last time). Well the new doc didn't have a way to elave a message so I left a message with the old docs assistant last monday - it said to allow 48 hours for them to get back - on friday I called and was put through to the new doc's assistant. Who told me that she would try to get through to me by friday night. Nothing - all weekend the pain got worse and worse - to the point that I actually wondered how many sleeping pills I could take to sleep through the day so I wouldn't hurt. I spent half of yesterday in tears.
So I call again today, and am given the impression that the new doc doesn't work, so her assitant doesn't either (not sure if thats the truth) but it sound like it. So the person on the phone asked what was going on, I told her, she spoke to someone who said they could give an appointment but don't have any until July - and they didnt want me in pain that long - so to goto the ER. She said the ER could call them, if nothing else they needed to fax over the report to them.
I've avoided goign to the ER as I'm scared to death of being labeled a drug seeker. I'm scared of them telling me they can't help me and to go home. I mean they aren't going to give me strong pain medication I'm sure - so I just don't see what they can do. I have to wait for my husband to get home at the least because I know I can't drive, and I feel bad for wasting his evening.
I was feeling so good about
this pain place utnil today - I'd even asked my husband if he could take time off in case they asked me to come in right away for something.
It doesn't help that the last time I was in this much pain they found out that the L3-L4 has problems, now I'm scared that I've injured something else. I'm not even getting relief while sleeping anymore, I just dream about
the pain in one form or another. Being in a car crash, having someone repeatedly stab me in the back, stuff like that. I'm sorry for whining I just feel like I'm reaching the end of my rope. I can handle the pain okay normally, it's just it's been really bad for two weeks and I don't feel like I have any energy left to fight it with.
"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of one thing we can be sure; either God will provide something solid to stand on... or we will be taught to fly.'"
"Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of, You might bend, till you break Cause its all you can take; On your knees you look up Decide you've had enough, You get mad you get strong Wipe your hands shake it off, Then you Stand" From "Stand" by Rascal Flatts
Dx.: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Ulcerlative Colitis, Chronic Inflammation of the Colon, Ruptured & Fused L4-L5-S1 w/pinched nerves, Degenerative Disc Disease, Chronic Costochondritis, Back Muscle Spasms, Asthma, Benign Tremmors (hands)