You know it is hard when that type of stuff hits you. I think for a few of us at least it hits the hardest when we are in the most pain, and all we can see is that it's going to get worse.
Pain does suck, I totally agree with you. It's hard to look down the road in your life and not be able to say for sure that your going to be running around a playground with kids and grandkids. It's hard to no be able to be certain that your going to be up during the holidays cooking large meals for families and friends.
Have you ever looked on the back of just about
any manufactured product? On the back of most (at least it seems that way) they all say "This product has been shown to cause cancer in lab rats in the state of california". Basically hubby and I have decided to spend as little time in California as possible because we've figured out the truth - the truth is living in California causes cancer. I know this doesn't seem to fit in anywhere with this topic - but the fact of the matter is that if we believed every label as people we would be scared to live. I'd worry about
microwaving anything, I'd be scared to use a cell phone, computer, or Wii. I'd live in total fear of driving, flying, and everything else. I'd put sun screen on every single time I went out, along with lotion to keep me from looking old, and bug spray to keep me from getting bitten by a misquito. The simple fact is we can't let all the possibilities get in the way of living. I could walk outside my house, get in my car to pick up hubby from work, and be hit on the way there. That's not going to stop me from getting in the car. The fact that I could choke on my dinner isn't going to stop me from eating, either.
You mention not being able to play with your kids, would you hand your pain over to one of them to be able to do so? If it could be done would you trade your pain off to someone you care about
so that you could do all the things you worry about
not being able to do? That fact in itself is the one reason why I realize I have to deal with pain and they don't. I don't know a single person who could handle it.
The reason your friends and family don't get it, is they don't want to. If you had told me at 16 that it was possible to ruin the rest of your life by falling asleep - I would have laughed in your face. But thats what happened. I went to sleep a week after I was married, and woke up. My life was never the same after that. It never will be again. In my opinion one of the reasons that people don't like to talk about
pain, they don't get it, they try to fix it, is that it's hard for them to grasp the idea of pain that doesn't go away. For most people you sprain your ankle, you take it easy a few days or weeks, and pain is gone. For most people they get a back ache, they take it easy get some heat or something on it, and like magic the world is right again. No one WANTS to have to face the fact that at any point something could happen that can't be undone. You say your friends are worried about
their own lives - and it's true - most people don't want to have to admit that it could happen to them too.
So it all comes down to the same thing. Would you give up your future to not have the pain? Would you choose to not see your kids grow up so you didn't have to worry about
being in too much pain to play with them? Would you choose to stop listening to music, because if you loose your hearing you'll miss it? Would I go back and not marry my husband so I didn't have to worry about
how my living in pain effects him? Would I give up gardening because there are days I can't do it, and a day in the future I know I probably won't ever be able to do it again?
For me the answers are all no. I wouldn't give a moment of it all up, not for anything.
I plan on living my life despite the pain I'm in, because no matter how much it hurts, and how bad it gets, I have so much to live for, so many people who would be effected if I weren't here. If at some point I have to watch from a wheelchair then so be it, at least I get to watch.
I'm not sure if this makes sense to you, but it's the only response I could think to give.
"When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of one thing we can be sure; either God will provide something solid to stand on... or we will be taught to fly.'"
"Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of, You might bend, till you break Cause its all you can take; On your knees you look up Decide you've had enough, You get mad you get strong Wipe your hands shake it off, Then you Stand" From "Stand" by Rascal Flatts
Dx.: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Ulcerlative Colitis, Chronic Inflammation of the Colon, Ruptured & Fused L4-L5-S1 w/pinched nerves, Degenerative Disc Disease, Chronic Costochondritis, Back Muscle Spasms, Asthma, Benign Tremmors (hands)