The Pity Party Thread

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 7/5/2008 11:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Since we all have and need pity parties from time to time, I thought I'd start a place for them. I'm not searching for solutions here, just needing to vent some, and a little TLC.

Yesterday was a big holiday, at least here in the USA. July 4th. Lots of parties and picnics and fireoworks displays. Lots to do, at least for most "normal" people. I live alone, and could never have the stamina to do a party, and am so embarassed by the state of my home the only people who visit occasionally are a couple of cousins. Rarely invite anyone over. And besides, one never knows what kind of a day one will have.

Now I was invited to a neighbor's picnic, but I actually didn't want to go. People I don't know well, but who know I had back surgery, and I didn't feel like having my health become a topic of discusison. And I knew everyone would be sitting on flimsy outside chairs that would only cause more pain. So I didn't go, although I know I'll have to face my neighbor and give some lame excuse again why (this is the second time I didn't go - you'd think she'd get the hint!).

But the sad part, and the reason for my pity party is this. I don't have children, so my 37 year old goddaughter is like a daughter to me. She and her hubby have two young ones, ages 6 and 4. On July 4th the firefighters in my small town come around where i live and give the kids rides on the trucks. Makes for a loud afternoon, which I really don't enjoy, but I thought I'd take the risk and ask my goddaughter to bring the kids over for rides. They had another picnic to go to later in the afternoon, and she was busy cleaning and stuff in the morning (she also works outside the home, so her time is packed and I rarely get to see her anymore). She asked me to call her when the trucks got here, as she lives about 15 minutes away, and they'd stop on the way to their other picnic. The trucks usually come around noon, 1pm at the latest. Long story short, they didn't come until shortly after 2pm, and by then my goddaughter had just called to say they really had to get to their other picnic and couldn't stop. What she didn't know, and I'd never tell her, is how I got up early yesterday morning and tried to do at least a minimal amount of cleaning in order for at least the deck outside and the bathroom to be presentable. And just how much that took out of me. I was exhausted by noon, and of course by 2pm when she called I was hurting, tired, and, once I knew they weren't coming, very depressed. Had even prepared some small snacks for them and the kids. She has no idea how disappointed I was. I tried to get up some energy to go down to the neighbor's picnic - which by then I was feeling guilty about not attenting - but I was just exhausted so by 3pm went and took a nap until around 7. And I looked at my deck when I got up, with the party tablecloth on it, went outside and sat and read a book by myself. But several of my neighbors were having parties and all I could hear were people around laughing and haivng fun, and there I sat alone. Yes, I could have been at picnic, but the people I really wanted to see were far off at another party. I still feel so sad. So few others would understand what it took to get up in the morning and do what for most people would be the simplest of tasks - sweeping a deck, cleaning a bathroom, cutting up a few snacks - but I knew someone here would. Or at least I hope someone here does.

PaLady sad

Post Edited (PAlady) : 7/5/2008 1:18:43 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 7/5/2008 2:09 PM (GMT -6)   

You are one of my favorites and I want you to know how sorry I am that all this happened or shall I say, didn't happen for you. I can relate to your disappointment. It is so hard to do a little cleaning and doing preparations. I know how you feel and then to top it off, not to get to see that someone special who is like a daughter to you.

I hope you will call her later and make a date for a future visit as soon as possible. And don't worry about cleaning. If she is as special as I know she is, she won't be coming to inspect your house, only to visit with her dear Godmother. I know how I feel about my Godmother. She walks on water as far as I am concerned. She is now 87 and still gets on a plane every year to come down to see me.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. I'll say a quiet prayer.

Gentle Hugs,

Moderator Chronic Pain
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 7/5/2008 5:58 PM (GMT -6)   


Just wanted to say I'm so sorry you are having an unusally bad day.  I can relate completely.  If people don't have CP they can't understand what you went through to try to get ready for company.  I don't know how to help...just wanted you to know I care.



Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9152
   Posted 7/5/2008 11:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi dear friend...

I'm so sorry that your heart is in pain. I am hurting inside and out because of our 4th of July party that happened at the last minute...this may be long but I'll hit the highlites...

I let the kids know at the last minute that if they had nothing else going on they were still welcome. Well, we had somewhere around 14 at last count. I knew the day before so spent that day cleaning and preparing some food. Realized that I was preparing ALL of the food so got busy at 7:30 on Friday morning. I was in tears working away because of the pain. My grandson came over and helped plus hubby but I kept them working outside so I was able to hide the tears. I was happy to cook and put out the fun things to entertain even tho it hurt.

Well...the happiness ended a while after everyone arrived. (Realize that this is an extended family...extra kids and grandkids and all, but they are the gang that normally comes over) I was still going at warp speed until dinner was served. I kept platters restocked, etc...and my littlest grandson entertained while everyone else had chow. By the time I was able to get a plate they were all done and outside. Only a couple left inside. I will admit my daughter is awesome at dishes...but not one person said "mom, come sit down and have some dinner...or mom, come join us" I sat alone at this huge table and at a bit.

I was running again the minute I got up from the table trying to find one of the cats outside before fireworks started outside. They were well armed. I couldn't get any help. The younger kids were inside playing a very loud video game...I could barely hear myself think.

By the time I found my cat it was dark and they were shooting off all kinds of 'stuff'. I also have PTSD and by this time it had kicked into high gear. I closed windows, calmed the dog and cats and sat on the closet floor shaking. Nope, not one person came it to see how I was or ask me to come join them. Near when they were done one of the gals did come in to bed down baby and did ask how I was doing. But all in all I felt like I gave a party and never attended. It took me quite a while to stop the tears after they left. What a disaster.

So, PAlady...I know what a hurting heart feels like. It's no fun. Sorry to vent like's not my style but since it's open season on this thread I thought I'd dump.

Thanks for listening...and I'll be OK. Hugs Chris!
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 7/6/2008 10:52 AM (GMT -6)   

that's is sooo sad! how rude of everyone!!! i was @ a party last night and i'm the one with the chronic pain issues, however, i made it a point to be helpful. my friend has 2 little ones....2 under 2 and after e1 had eaten, i decided to tackle the dishes. the dishwasher was full of clean dishes, and since i didn't know where to put stuff, i started washing by hand. only one other person helped and i was trying to do it quickly b/c i knew the hostess (mom of 2 under2) would throw a fit about me doing the dishes....she was running around since we got there chasing after the kids, feeding them and then bath (dad was bbq'ing). i KNOW what it's like to have such little one's...we're the same age, but my kids are 13 and 9...way past that baby stage; thank goodness! back was killin me after the dishes; i was astounded that noone had the decency to help clean at all. i just didn't want her to have to do it later or the next day when ething would be all stuck on and harder to clean. not trying to be a martyr...just wondering how people can be so rude.
bonnie---so sorry to hear about your sunday dinners ending...we do sunday dinners w/ my inlaws every sunday and while there ARE times i would kinda like to chill at home, i do it for my kids. it's so important for me and for them that they have their grandparents in their lives. mine were far away when i was little, so i love the fact that my kids really HAVE their grandparents; it's something i always wanted.
palady...what do i say. i'm so sorry. that was rude, but i'll bet she didn't know that you went to all the trouble. i'm not excusing her actions at all..i'm just so sorry you had such a sad day. i hope today is better for you!!!

wishing you a pain free second, minute, hour, day or whatever you can get-


Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 7/6/2008 12:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Friends,
Thank you so much for all your kindness and sharing. I was feeling so alone after the 4th and almost just held it in (like I bet you do, Chutzie!) but I thought maybe start a thread on HW....someone there will understand and of course, I was right.

Lindaloo - thank you for your warm words and you're right, my goddaughter would come regardless of the condition of the house if she wasn't so busy. Her big thing is time and I do understand. Two little ones and a challenging, full time job, I wonder how she does it. She's the one who walks on water in my eyes! And I know if she really knew how much it hurt me she'd have come in a heartbeat, but I didn't want her to feel bad. I have a hunch she felt bad anyway because she's such a worrier. Out of so many friends and family who have dropped away over the years, my goddaughter calls whenever she can - usually once a week if she's not swamped. I only wish I could help her more with her young ones. That has broken my heart. But thank you!

Bonnie - you truly do understand. Being left to sit alone after anticipating family or friends. I guess it's more the continual disappointments we have in life, and as you say you're working again and there's no room for more! Hugs to you!

Maggie and Hurting - I thank you for your kind thoughts. They really mean more than most people think, and it was all I was hoping for when I wrote my first post. None of us can solve eachother's problems, but the support here sure helps.

And Chutzie, dear friend, I fought tears while reading your post. I only wish we could have shared the holiday together with the animals. It's sad, isn't it, but your post shows how you can still be alone even in a crowd. The thoughtlessness of everyone is beyond words. I'm glad you wrote. Whatever would I do without my friends here at HW?

Hugs and thanks to everyone - and anyone having a pity party please feel free to share. You know we're listening, and you're not alone!


Post Edited (PAlady) : 7/6/2008 11:14:42 AM (GMT-6)

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