Since we all have and need pity parties from time to time, I thought I'd start a place for them. I'm not searching for solutions here, just needing to vent some, and a little TLC.
Yesterday was a big holiday, at least here in the USA. July 4th. Lots of parties and picnics and fireoworks displays. Lots to do, at least for most "normal" people. I live alone, and could never have the stamina to do a party, and am so embarassed by the state of my home the only people who visit occasionally are a couple of cousins. Rarely invite anyone over. And besides, one never knows what kind of a day one will have.
Now I was invited to a neighbor's picnic, but I actually didn't want to go. People I don't know well, but who know I had back surgery, and I didn't feel like having my health become a topic of discusison. And I knew everyone would be sitting on flimsy outside chairs that would only cause more pain. So I didn't go, although I know I'll have to face my neighbor and give some lame excuse again why (this is the second time I didn't go - you'd think she'd get the hint!).
But the sad part, and the reason for my pity party is this. I don't have children, so my 37 year old goddaughter is like a daughter to me. She and her hubby have two young ones, ages 6 and 4. On July 4th the firefighters in my small town come around where i live and give the kids rides on the trucks. Makes for a loud afternoon, which I really don't enjoy, but I thought I'd take the risk and ask my goddaughter to bring the kids over for rides. They had another picnic to go to later in the afternoon, and she was busy cleaning and stuff in the morning (she also works outside the home, so her time is packed and I rarely get to see her anymore). She asked me to call her when the trucks got here, as she lives about
15 minutes away, and they'd stop on the way to their other picnic. The trucks usually come around noon, 1pm at the latest. Long story short, they didn't come until shortly after 2pm, and by then my goddaughter had just called to say they really had to get to their other picnic and couldn't stop. What she didn't know, and I'd never tell her, is how I got up early yesterday morning and tried to do at least a minimal amount of cleaning in order for at least the deck outside and the bathroom to be presentable. And just how much that took out of me. I was exhausted by noon, and of course by 2pm when she called I was hurting, tired, and, once I knew they weren't coming, very depressed. Had even prepared some small snacks for them and the kids. She has no idea how disappointed I was. I tried to get up some energy to go down to the neighbor's picnic - which by then I was feeling guilty about
not attenting - but I was just exhausted so by 3pm went and took a nap until around 7. And I looked at my deck when I got up, with the party tablecloth on it, went outside and sat and read a book by myself. But several of my neighbors were having parties and all I could hear were people around laughing and haivng fun, and there I sat alone. Yes, I could have been at picnic, but the people I really wanted to see were far off at another party. I still feel so sad. So few others would understand what it took to get up in the morning and do what for most people would be the simplest of tasks - sweeping a deck, cleaning a bathroom, cutting up a few snacks - but I knew someone here would. Or at least I hope someone here does.
Post Edited (PAlady) : 7/5/2008 1:18:43 PM (GMT-6)