I'm SO sorry to hear what you are going through! No doctor should be treating you like that!! I would definitely try looking for another more compassionate doc, like PALady said! That just doesn't sound like they are taking your pain seriously!! And that response that the pump is for life threatened patients is bogus, because the pain has to be managed somehow and if the orals aren't working, there has to be other options to go! So, I would try and see about a new doc!
I myself have found that some friends left, they just don't understand what you are going through! But when you think about it, do you really want to surround yourself with that negativity? They obviously weren't good friends to begin with, or they'd understand! I have only a couple friends, and they understand that I can't come see them, or go out with them, etc. Your true friends understand, and if you're left with no one, or even one, that's ok too, you have to take care of yourself right now anyway! And besides, you have plenty of friends with this family of pain sufferers, we all understand!
Also, I would take the advice from PALady and Sandi, they have given very good advice, as always!!
I would also talk to your PM about trying different medications, because that happened to me, I was having trouble with each one that I was given, they just weren't helping!! The Vicoden was making me SO moody, the Topamax would interfere with birth control, as most meds do, and so on! I was on Methadone, which helped me the best, but then was switched off because of the problems they were finding with the heart with patients on that medication! So I've been on the MS Contin and that really doesn't help much, but I don't want to keep switching meds!! And if you are having such bad spasms, I would talk to your doc about muscle relaxers on a schedule, over time they help better, but it sounds like your muscles need some calming down too, that's what sounds to me to be one of your biggest issues! Try to do relaxing techniques for you muscles too, the meditation should at least help you too! But one thing too that will REALLY help, is to think POSITIVE, I know, it's easier said than done, but since I've been doing that, it's helped me gain a good outlook on life, you have life, though painful, you still have it, and there are things that you can do to help yourself feel better! When you think positive, life seems to get more fun! Though it's hard to bypass pain, it helps when you can think positively, it's very hard to explain, but you can do it!! You can help yourself get emotionally better, and that helps a LOT!
I wish that I could say something that will make your pain go away, but I don't know any magical words, sorry!! Just know that everyone here has your back, and we are here to help you just the same! Please don't be so hard on yourself, it's not you that is the problem, it's the healthcare and compassion that is lacking! Keep your head high!
Good luck to all and I hope that we all find some sort of relief!!