I think my pain is getting worse!!! I have not had this many bad days in a row for quite some time. I am afraid that its getting worse and I don't know how much more I can handle. It is so frustrating when the pain is this bad and I have nothing that will take the pain away. Gosh does it ever get any better??? I sure hope so. So many dreams....so many hopes for the future.....gone in one day. Sorry guys and gals just feel down today and now I'm crying through the pain trying to get it to go away.
I never imagined in a million years that I would actually feel like my whole life has been wasted in a brief minute of compassion towards another person. Like I have told you all before I was a CNA and I loved my job and when I prevented that frail woman from falling to the floor I had no regards for my own life or what it would end up doing to my back. But the weird thing about it is, if I was in that position again and had a good healthy back like I had before this ever started I'd do it all over again without any regrets.
I have always been told that when life throws you a lemon to make lemonade, but geeeeez its hard to make lemonade without the sugar if you know what I mean. Laying in bed staring at the ceiling because it hurts to move, hurts to wiggle and hurts to do anything but lie there is making me feel like I am defenseless against something that I did not ask for or wish to happen.
Today I discovered, after talking to some long time friends from my old job, that the woman that I prevented from falling died today and that saddens me as well. But I know that she is in a better place and is no longer plagued with the Alzheimer's disease that once wracked her poor brain into nothing. At the time when I helped her she was quite alert being only at the first stage of the disease and she thanked me many times for saving her from a broken hip or leg. But to think that she doesn't remember me two years after the incident really makes me feel sorry for all that go through such a horrid disease as Alzheimer's is.
I hope I'm not rambling too much, just needed to get a few things off my chest. Painful days do not make life much easier and its one of those days!
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain
Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Temazapim, Lunista, and Robaxin.