Husband Going To Hospital

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Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 7/27/2008 2:09 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm worried. With this Chronic Pain I can only stay in a soft chair at a maximum of
three hours. I can stand for about ten minutes. I can walk for about 15 minutes.
My husband is going to be there overnight. I can't drive. We'll have to take a
Taxi. I feel so d*** useless.
I want to be there when he goes in for the procedure and be there when he awakes.
He's been good to me with all my aches and pains. He drives me everywhere. He's
there by my side through it all.
Maybe if I call the hospital, they will have some ideas. Maybe i can rent a bed
beside him. I don't know if i could make it in a chair all night.
My pills knock me out. I have a rush to the bathroom in the AM. I look like a dragon
when I'm stressed and in pain.
There are moments when I just think I should stay home and cry.
My daughter has offered her help ... but I don't think she really wants to do it.
His procedure: Cystoscopy (Same one as I'll be getting in a month or so)

Should I stay home? Should I brave it and go to the hospital.
Oh yes, I forgot to tell you ... I'm agoraphobic.
What a case! :(((

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1522
   Posted 7/27/2008 2:52 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry you both have to go through this. I suggest you call the hospital and explain your situation, hopefully, you'll get someone interested in helping. There was a comfortable recliner in the room during my last procedure, another time, my husband was offered a metal folding chair.

Personally, I think you should take your daughter's offer to help and don't worry so much if she really wants to. If her "help" will make life easier for you and your husband - take advantage of it. I'm sure you would help your daughter if the situation were reversed.

Ask your husband for an honest answer about what he wants/needs from you. Sometimes, I'm more comfortable when my husband is not there. Your husband may actually be relieved to not have to worry about how you are handling being there for him. If being there all night will cause a nasty flareup of your pain, come to a compromise.

Everyone thinks that helping someone is a gift. Well, we can't all be givers all of the time. Sometimes, we need to be receivers, otherwise, how would all these givers get to give. You may need to give your daughter (and others) the gift of being allowed to help you. I wish I could say htis better right now but I'm finally starting to get sleepy.

tom inpain
Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 239
   Posted 7/27/2008 10:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Pam: what i nightmare for You. I totally agree with Dagger. Please take care and our prayers are with you. tom-in pain
Tom Lasko

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 7/27/2008 12:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Pamela,
I also agree with Dagger and Tom. How bad is the agorophobia? It's definitely not going to help your husband if you're having panic attacks in the taxi or in his hospital room. A cystoscopy, while uncomfortable (I've had them), is not like he's having spine surgery, or dealing with something terminal, so maybe your daughter could be with him?

Another thought - if you're going to try to go, I'd suggest calling the hospital's social work department and ask to talk with the social worker who might deal with this (there are different social workers for different purposes). They might be of the best help in negotiating things for you. But again, if you agorophobia is not controlled with meds, you may be more of a worry to your husband than a help.

Dagger - I think you expressed it beautifully! And I absolutely agree with you abou† giving and receiving. To me it's a circle of energy and if we only give then it's selfish, right? So allow yourself to receive some help, Pamela. It may make everything easier for both you and your husband in the end. And your daughter maybe has some lessons to learn here, too.


Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16573
   Posted 7/28/2008 12:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Pam, all I can add is Dagger could not have said it any better. If it comes down to you actually staying, then by all means be sure they have a recliner in the room for you. I really doubt they will provide you with a bed, simply because of the room size and allowing the hospital staff the room they need. Take all of your meds with you that you may need. Wear the most comfortable clothes that you can. Yes, I sure would let the daughter go in my place, after all, since its procedure and he is only going to be overnight, let someone else help you. Hugs coming your way. Susie

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 7/28/2008 3:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Your words and thoughts really helped me. I have a terrible time asking anybody for
help. I know that I do like to do things for people so I don't know where I got this
attitude. I will change and my daughter WILL help. : )
Tom, PAl, Susie: Thank you.
btw, I said the wrong name for my husband's surgery. He's having a TURP. I can't
explain it here. No Way!
Right now, he's thinking of not going through with it. His doctor is being sued for
something and he's worried.
You guys are strange angels of the highest kind.
Pamela Neckpain
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