I don't know if anything that any of us can say is going to ease your pain today. I'm truly sorry about the loss of Buddy, both for you and your wife and for Buddy's family.
I don't know why people choose suicide as an answer to their problems, but I do know that it causes such pain in those left behind, with so many unanswered questions and no means of getting the answer to the one that most want most......why?
I can feel the depth of your pain through your words, and I wish that there were some way to ease it, today and in the coming days and weeks ahead of you.
I don't know why Buddy chose today to end his life, but I imagine that something happened or he just felt that he couldn't live any longer with the pain. I'm sorry that you were the one that he called to find him, that is a tremendous burden to put on someone, and I don't think that Buddy realized he would be doing by making that call. I'm pretty sure that Buddy's choice today has brought up those painful memories of your brother's death as well, and I'm sorry for that.
I hope in the coming days and weeks Tom, that we can support you, and offer you a place to talk if you feel the need to.
Grief is something that you have to work your way through Tom, as I'm pretty sure that you know already.
Sending you comforting hugs,
PLIF/TLIF Fusion w/Instrumentation L4-5 Spondololysthesis L4-5.Laminectomies L4-5, foraminal stenosis L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, herniations L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, central canal stenosis L3-4, L4-5 and L5-S1
POST OP CES 3/30-06
Neurogenic Bladder and Bowel, bilateral numbness legs and feet
Revision for failed Back surgery, pseudoarthrosis L4-5, hemilaminectomies L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, bmp added to revision fusion, replaced two bent screws that were reversing out of vertebrae - August 2, 2007
On going back pain and neuropathic pain, failed back surgery, consult for scs, decided not to do that at this point.
Adhesive Arachnoiditis also......just what I didn't need..