It's 2 in the afternoon here in the U.K. and i've finally managed to crawl out of my nest after my night working. I stuck the kettle on and came straight on here and all I can say is thank you so much. Although I have no one around here to talk with or share my problems with, to come on HW and see peoples messages and thoughts of encouragement really has made my day.
So I did it I made it to work, it was'nt easy getting out of the car in the car park and walking in to face the 'forces humour' (Bullying) that I knew faced me. The main instigator was on leave which took a lot of pressure off me straight away. A handfull quizzed me straight away about
how I enjoyed my three week holiday being assesed at the rehab, which knocked me straight back down. Once the day shift had gone home I sat with two of my fellow counterparts and explained what had happened and what I had been told would be in their report to my Doctor. They both listened although I could see that their blank expressions showed no understanding for the condition. My Cpl informed me that the Sgt was also on leave, I can't tell you the feeling I felt of not having to deal with the questions last night lol. However the good news was instantainsly followed by words I did'nt want to hear. I am part of the army's security team and so act as armed response, as I have been struggling so much and letting the worries of my ex get me down recently. Sometime ago I decided it was time to distance my work life and personal life more and do something for me to take my mind off it all. I had applied to tranfer to become an Army Dog Handler still in my regiment but at Army HQ. A new camp, a new start, new people, a goal to focus on and one of my dreams come true. It had all been arranged and agreeed and courses booked for my trainning ready to give me the ability to use my work to switch off from the reality of my personal life and be doing something I loved.... That was the plan and it was all perfect.... Untill the Cpl last night said that the Sgt has decided that with the pernament medical downgrade that I have been given it is his recommendation and belief that I will be unable to continue with my plans of joinning the Dog section. Im gutted, my feet were just kicked out from under me.
Just as I was finding a coping startergy for me and to be strong they take it away from me. I know that tonight I will have to face the music on the Sgt's return and get quizzed all about
''My three week holiday''. I keep looking at the clock 3hrs to go.
Anyway as with your messages regarding my ex... Thank you. It really does help to hear an outsiders oppion. I managed to text her last nite to let her know I am still there for her as support if ever she needs or wants it. I got a reply and she said she was ok but thanked me. At least she knows im still there. I am going to keep plodding on for now, get my head around my dx a bit more and then when I get the courage tell her in time about
it all and ask if she woud mind helpping me through it. I know that will be sometime away but I really want her support and help as I know she will aid me to reaching where I belong and more importantly make me face life and dealing with all the worry and self pitty Im currently scared of.
Thank you all of you, I will let you know how it goes at work tonight... This is going to be a tough one but I need to face it sometime and im sick of hiding .