Im right there with you as well, I think all of us in here. It is a day to day struggle and you can only take one day at a time and deal with what you have to deal with on that day.
For me I am learning as well what my limitations are and what I need to do to fuction in a new world of CP. Some days are better than others.
I have had to learn to reinvent myself as the person that I am today at this point.
I am a planner and need some sort of goal to shoot for everday. At first I started to set goals on a day to day basis then relized that it wasnt possible to do that as somedays I can handle the phycical side but not the emotional and vice versa. So now I try and get them for the week. One a day from cleaning my bathroom to taking a ride, food shooping, or even encouraging someone else as that makes me feel better, exc.. I make them obtainable for me and not others.
Second I am surrounding myslef with a good network of people to talk to. I have friends that all offer up certain traits. Those that incourage when I need it I call them. Those like on here that will listen to me rant and rave when Im angry and frustrated and understand and that goes a long way. When I need pragmatic I go my mom she is a shrink lol and sometimes pragmatic is needed.
Thrid I cut myself a break and realize that I do have limitations and accepting that is part of healing and learning to live a productive life. As well as knowing that you are just as special as you were when you body was hole. Those things you mentioned doesnt not make you a man they just make you a man that can do those things.
"I need and want to be a man of strength, admiration, confidence, industriousness, and fortitude. I need and want to be a man who deserves to have an amazing girlfriend. I need and want to be a man who has the ability to do things that have a significant positive impact on others. Unfortunately, my chronic pain makes it impossible to do most of the things I need and want to do. "
These things you speak of come from within and not from what you are phyicaly ably to do. And you seem to already possess many if not all of these things. Fortitude because you indure looking for a better way of living with what you have been giving. Strength because you are here seeking help and it takes more strength than most to ask for help and realize we are not alone and its ok to ask for it. Confidence because once again you are hear baring you heart to us all for help. Admiration because It is admirable to know that you are willing to find a better way. Industrious because you are seeking out a way to make things better for yourslef instead of staying in the statis qou. That is what I see when i read your post Lonely.
Sometimes we put ourselves in the same as others and it takes all walks of life to make significant impacts on others lives. I know many on here with just there words of encouragement have impacted my life with imeasurable impact that I wont ever forget.
I know as a woman I look more at what is inside a man that out Lonely. I would trade a man that could do all the phycail things for a man with a amazing heart and soul. And most woman are like me than not.
But you will have to at some point when you are ready put yourslef out there to meet that special woman you want to meet. There are many out there that will look past the phyical Lonely. I do believe you have it in you to overcome your social limitations as you can go to school and work part time. Its just getting to a place (when your ready) to push past where you are now.
I so hope you will continue to write hear as there are many who understand what you are going through and just how hard it is to cope some days.
I know for myself that my spirtualty keeps me grounded even when I have a really bad day and I know that Im not paying those to give me advice and help they do it freely and ask nothing in return. They just want to help because somewhere along the way someone helped them.
For myself one of my philosphy that I live by is that if everyone is always giving then everyone is always recieving its a circle that feeds itself and is never ending. And on here you will always get that.
And just so you know, You gave me purpose today Lonely, I am having a really bad day today and just writing this has brought back to me some of my basic rules of survial and put my mindset in a better place so thank you as well. YOUR impact was much needed for me today!
I hope you find that you are in a better place after reading this Lonely, I did it because I care and not because expected me to or any other reason. You are not alone and if you need anything all you have to do is post or ask.
Praying for your peace and healing