Hello all and thank you so much for all your kind words and helpful advice.
When writing that last night I realized that I made it sound like I have no help at all and that isnt true. My mom and dad are helping me out with money right now, as if they dont I will have to move in with them and we have already been there and done that and all of us agree that it is better if I dont live there unless there is no other choice. It is not that we dont have a good realationship we do ,just that me and my mom are very different people with very different views and it causes alot of conflict if we spend to much time together. My parents are well off and I dont like having to ask them for help at all, just makes me sick as im 40 and very independant.
But I realize as well that pride cometh before the fall and I am at a point that I have no choice in the matter no matter how it may make me fell inside. I even went to my lawyer and drew up a contract that when I get my settlement that I will pay them back for everything.
My problem is more the phyical side of things. My kids are older, my oldest is 18 and just out of rehab, sighs, long story, but she just came back to live with me and is detoxing so she is a help but that is limited right now. The others are 14, 13, and 10. So they arent babies. Just used to mom doing it all...
I realize that I am going to have to get them on board as well and here is that pride thing again, I need for them to help out more around the house, well basicly do it all except for the cooking. I cant manage all the running around, work , when I can manage to get there, and school, sports exc. without them doing the house work. I feel bad as they have had to grow up alot faster because of my divorce 2 1/2 yrs ago, but hey we all must do what we must. I just hate that they have had to grow up so fast and not be able to just be kids.
I quess its the long list of the things that come with CP and all the things you have to let go of and just manage the best you know how to. It is the inconsistanies that make it so hard. And it really brings home the lonelyness that comes with CP even with those that love you and believe you but just dont really get it completely. And to top it off I'm trying to get my pain meds managed with something that works for me and that I know can take a bit of time and as of right now that isnt happening, everthing I go on I am having a reaction to or doesnt work. So the pain is there all the time on my best days pain level is at 5 or 6 most of the time I'm at a 7 or 8.
Today I went to work and food shopping by the time I got in my car I had to sit there and cry for about 20 mins as I was in so much pain and I didnt want the kids to see it when I got home. I had to come home and tell the kids that they had to get dinner together tonight as I just couldnt and went in my room and cried again and I hate it and I'm mad and angry and I quess I am in the acceptance portion of my CP. It has be 3 months this Tue. sense my accident and I realize that I will probable be dealing with this quite some time as nothing has made a dent. But with this once again I will cope and find a way.
Barbara, I am so sorry for all that you are going though. My best friends is end stage lupus and we talk in depth all that she struggles with so I really feel for you and my heart just goes out to you are your family and I so admire your stength and fortutude! I do live in the us I'm in Charleston, SC. and I thank you so much for you story and kind word and your offer to help with all that you are going through.
Lonely...I am so glad that you responded as your story so touched my heart in your last post and your kind words mean so much to me as I know how much it cost you to put yourself out there and that touches me on so many levels. I have submitted and request to expite my visa almost 3 weeks ago and have not heard a word back from uscis. I have contacted my Sentor and will be sending him a packet that he said he will send to the immagration department. At this point it is the only thing I have left to do with that one and all I can do is hope and pray that that works. And I will do what ever possible to keep the kids with me, I dont want them with my ex. And just knowing you would offer me help Lonely mean alot to me. I think you have so much more than you realize inside you. You will make a great Bf or husband one day!
Ts...thanks so much for your understanding that as much as you want to have things on a schedule that it isnt always possible with kids and exp. when dealing with CP that just gets thrown out the window and knowing that you understand and dont have to justify it means so much more than you can ever know. Thank you for that and I am so sorry for all your pain.
Scarred...Thank you as always for your post and caring. My ex doesnt want to take the kids so that is a mute point. If he was a different man I would send them to him but he isnt so I will just have to find a way to deal. At least I wont have to cry everyday from missing my kids on top of everything else. Hugss and I hope you are dealing ok with all that has been on your plate this last while I have been praying for you and your family.
Granny...so nice to meet you and thanks so much for the boost I get from you lol. You made me smile and gave me hope that all things work out in the end as they should:)
Pamela...Thanks so much it means so much to know you care and I love your fire it gets me going...I also left you a post under Ok this is one to ponder over...
Palady....as always your warm and generious heart always touches me deeply and your hugs are so most welcome. I will look into the United Way never thought of that one so thank you so much and dont worry getting ready to get kids in shape... if you want would be glad to send one of them to help you:) Hugs to you lovely Palady.
Sorry for being long winded again but i really wanted to thank each one of you personaly as you each have brought something to my life which has made it better and Im lucky for having you all...You all have been my sorce of stentgh and it keeps me going forward.
Im going to go to bed and try and sleep tonight just took meds so hoping they will knock me out feeling a bit groggy.
Love you all