You're so funny. ;)
I can definitely relate though about all the fun people (esp. at work) who gift us with their sage advice. A few years back I got so frustrated that I printed up a full-page sign that I kept face down on my desk. It said something like "yes, I'm in pain. I'm okay. I have all the help & advice that I need but I appreciate your concern. If you'd like to help, you can help me keep my mind off it by pretending I look normal. Love, (frances)". I would put it up on the file cabinet in front of my desk anytime someone would say something to me.
Good times. I got some glares, scowls & questioning looks. There were people who gossiped about it for a while. My boss had the employment law attorney with our company speak at a staff meeting about how constantly asking about that could be perceived as harassment & that he would appreciate if people could reduce the company's litigation risk by not bringing up my disability any more. I won't say it was especially pleasant, but it did get me to the point where most days I can work in peace.
Interestingly enough, the few people (mostly clients) who do still say something to me are the ones who suggest illegal treatment options. I'm not really sure how they think that if I was unhappy to hear about how if I would just rub butter on my back & jump up and down 20 times in a row exactly 5 times per day that I would be "cured", that somehow I would be much happier to hear about how to search out a "cure" by breaking the law, but every couple months some yahoo corners me (easy to do, I'm not very fast) to tell me of their evil little exploits.
All you can really do is laugh about it (or maybe write satire -- I know a lot of my pain-free friends have said that even they think some of the advice I get is hysterically funny). I think I would call the book "The Answer -- everything you ever wanted to know about how to cure your pain RIGHT NOW (and probably a few things you didn't). With contributions by everyone's best friend, their best friend's dog, the butler, the maid & the postal delivery guy."
What do you think?
I'm definitely putting the grape juice cure in there! Here are a few others that are sure to bring you that elusive healing that you could have if you just knew a few simple tricks. Enjoy!
1. Use a straw for all your drinks. Personally, I think it's effective because the straw kinda looks like a magical wand if you squint just right when you're looking at it, but I was told by some random person in the mall food court that tilting my head back was throwing my body out of alignment & that was why I needed to wear a back brace. How did she know?!!! And what is wrong with my doctors that none of them could figure out!
2. Exercise for 2-3 hours per day. Yes, I know this one was posted to the Forum recently, but I actually heard it first from my dad. He says it will bring down inflammation. Now, yes, we all know that typically our bodies become more inflamed with excessive exercise but it *definitely* works ;) & now I've figured out why. You have to get absolutely drenched with sweat. There are special fairies that are attracted to the shininess & they will enter your body & POOF the pain & inflammation will be gone in an instant.
3. Licorice Hot Tea (don't forget the straw, I think it works best when you mix & match). That one was a freebie from some samples lady in the spa. Not really sure how it works, but it worked for her & that's why she now works at the company.
4. Ibuprofen. Yep. I just need to trade up my fentanyl for a box of Advil & I'll be super good in no time.
5. Organic foods. Courtesy of a former boss. A guy I dated also suggested this. There are toxins in my body & I need to get them out. I don't need any medical care. The doctors are just trying to scam me out of my money (but somehow $15 for a tomato is not a scam). My body can heal itself from any injury, illness or infection as long as it gets locally grown, pesticide free food. Don't you know? That's why people in the 1800's lived so much longer & healthier lives than we do today. Wait. They DID live longer, didn't they?
he he. :) anyways, hope that brightens your day. I do feel for you. I really do. I wish I had better advice to offer you. I wish I knew myself how to dodge all the crazy advice that comes day in & day out. However you can cope I suppose is what's best. Take care & come back to vent any time.