Hang in there knit it will get better. I have been in your deep dark thoughts that you are in right now and guess what? It does get better. You have to think of the positive things that you have in your life. If you do not have a support line by now find one immediately because I can tell you from experience without my husband by my side I probably would have given up years ago. I'm always here to talk to as well and my email is on my profile if you need to talk
Hang in there.