OMG, my jaw was dropped as I was reading your post. I am so sorry you are suffering so much and I am in disbelief that no one is helping you. Where do you live? In the US or another country? You sound almost like me, as I had severe spinal stenosis. I felt fine and exercised regularly, was thin, etc..until I was 33 or 34. Suddenly I started getting back pains and spasms on and off. I took this med and that med, blah, blah. In 3 1/2 years my condition progressed to almost where you are. I never lost complete control of my bladder, but I did (and still do) have bladder problems. I could no longer walk upright and when I tried to walk, I could only shuffle about 20-30 feet and I, too, would have to collapse. So I know exactly what you are going through and just how excruciating it is. I did still work though, because I had to and I had insurace. My insurance did cover my surgery completely, though. I am much better off now, but I still have problems. I just can't believe that no one is helping you.
And do you know how the insurance came up with this as a pre-existing condition? Did they say you had treatment for it before you got that insurance?
Ohhh...and another thing, with your losing bladder control combined with your stenosis and all nerve compression, etc...I am not a doctor, but it sure sounds to me like Cauda Equina syndrome, which is an emergency. I can't believe the ER didn't think of this!?!? It's really awful the way you are being treated. I am not sure what else you can do, except try a different ER or call your local Social Services Department. Maybe they can direct you to different programs that might be able to help.
I had also tried tramadol and it did zilch for me. No pain killer really helped me. I tried many different meds plus epidural injections of steroids. The injections did help some of my nerve pains, but only for a few weeks. I don't know what is causing your stenosis, but mine was caused by bone overgrowth, ligament thickening & buckling into my canal, and disk herniations. So the only thing that might help was to have surgery to remove the bone, ligament, and disks.
I'm sorry, I am just still in disbelief and you've been suffering since a teenager. The way you are progressing, I hate to say this, it's possible you may end up with unrepairable nerve damage. I wish I could tell you what else to do, except to go somewhere else.