Posted 2/1/2009 11:10 PM (GMT -7)
Greetings to the fellowship of chronic pain support group! I am new to this site, found it by accident...delighted to have found it, as support in this often controversial,subjective,highly controlled and misunderstood yet growing and hungry for relief, population is obviously attempting to adjust to life with their chronic pain. I personally possess a litany of physical, medically ,clinically and acknowledged variants of disease or ,illness quite often the result of factors I am personally unable to control, or historically not well understood. As I have been reading over many of your stories....I literally felt as if I was not alone with my personal tale. I am 41...a mother of one girl and have a very supportive spouse. This is the stuff I try to remind myself daily...this part of life is cherished! I always believed that the human body was intended for physical labour(I'm Canadian, therefore the subtle differences in grammar, etc). When I completed my University in 1990, with a B.A. ...I truly did not know "what I wanted to do"...however, I was eager,passionate and fully positive that whatever I truly wished to "do", would happen, if I worked on this goal. In one's youth, or at least in my life, I was a advertisement for optimal health. I literally had never seen the interior of a hospital , was never really ill and did not comprehend disability, physical or mental pain, unrelenting fatique,depression,acute and chronic daily real , real pain. Life was great....so I decided that I wanted to be a Flight Attendant , a job that was not very structured, social, active, and at that time in my life, quite parallel to my personality and character...a good fit! This was still during the years when our society appeared to be slower, more courteous ,civil,sincere and polite. It was also, here in Canada, not severely deregulated, so there were a lot of comforts and true service , highly valued and professional, dedicated employees. Fast forward....this once carefree girl entered into what eventually has become a true case study on ,multitudes of Health issues, business losses worldwide, the imminent growth of our greed society ,and a "service industry" which does not comprehend the true definition of service. That being said....I have been "grounded" or quite literally....removed from what I believed to be a job I could enjoy and continue with for life, or at least get some value for my years of service and sacrifice. It has taken 1 and 1/2 years for a proper glimpse of understanding why, with an assessment of a Chairi Malformation, advanced stage OA, or as one Dr says "bones of an old lady", factets disease, at L4, brain tumor, (benign), etc. There is more. however, it is not just the unrelenting appts, Drs with the poor ability to relate to their patients with true care, or to, often minimize my complaints, due to my gender, clinical depression,an organic result of a brain tumor....I do indeed comprehend the variants among pain, depression, tolerance to pain or personal threshold when I would often wonder if I will ever have a "happy" moment ,free of pain,tears,lack of sleep due to pain, inability to engage in even moderate activity without the fear of tomorrows pain. When I mention happy, I suppose I want a day like I had in my early 20's when all of this new, difficult to navigate,handle and treat "lifestyle", was never felt, yet I firmly believed, that if I treated my body well, I probably would have some aches here and there when I was in my 6th or 7 th decade of life, but not during the 3rd and 4th decade of life. I suppose some inquiry I have is to try and assismillate what forms of pain mang. perhaps various forms can help. I have been on 20 mgs/Oxycontin for a long time now, and even though they assist with pain, I find myself becoming very sleepy now, initially I did not feel sedated and drowsy. My sleep cycle appears to have been affected, I wonder if others have had this issue and if I miss a dose, I have horrible restless leg sydrome when I attempt to sleep. Any suggestions? Advice, or similar experiences?