You were doing pretty good till ya got to the him missing his beautiful,healthy wife who had sex 3 times a day. Ok got to admit I got a bit offended on that one cause your right I dont have the sex )but he couldnt handle it either)and I am not healthy but ya took away my dang beauty too!! lol but I am over it =) And last night I did take a good hard look at myself and ya even some of that beauty is gone too. I was always so vibrant and made sure my clothes were nice and my hair and makeup done and ppl thought I looked to be more in my early 30's then approaching 50 and I do still get many ppl thinking that I am younger then my years but Jay looks older so we kinda met in the middle as I am 15 years older then Jay. So I could personaly try harder there. Maybe part of my problem after so many years of abusive men in my life I just dont feel like taking any kind of crap anymore and I do feel that Jay is way too old for his crude joking and not helping out around here.
But I did get on the scale myself last night and have gained almost 20 pounds in the last 6 months!!! and yes I do look a whole lot more frumpy then this past summer. So I have problems to address myself before things get too far out of control as I used to weigh 300 pounds and wear a size 28 in clothes and had got down to a 16 but those are tight now and I sure dont want to go back to where I was. I think for me mostly with the weight is that with the cold weather I am not out walking like I was before. This cold makes me hurt so bad and its like every muscle I have constricts specially outside and I am having a hard enough time staying warm in our apartment without going to the poor house on the heat bill so ya bundled up in tons of sweatshirts and sweaters and wearing my fav pair of non constricting jeans for pain relief hasnt helped. That and eating too many wrong foods,comfort foods.
I do plan to have a talk with Jay tonight about
my trip to the scale and what I want to do about
it and if he wants to come along then my hand is out to him but if not then I dont know what will happen with us. To top things off Jay has no medical and is not in good shape. His blood pressure is sky high to the point where the pharmacist told him to start planning his funeral. We both smoke but Jay has doubled the amount he smokes this past year and now has a cough and he has an umbilical hernia that is about
to pop since his tummy has gotten so big. Now Jay was a big man when I met him,about
6'2" and 220 but now is in the 275 range and mostly in his middle but I didnt mind some smellow but not this much to where he can hardly eat and breath at the same time? not too mention the belches from eating too fast and the oh it slipped gas ya right. I am offended by these habits and he knows it but doesnt do a thing about
it so its many things. I have gained some weight but still have manners and show him respect and respect is not a thing that I can just let slide,its very important to me after crawling my way past years of disrespet and abuse. Not to mention ppl are commenting on how he treats me now and its not good.
Because I do love him I will try and work things out but I am getting tired of waiting for him to pull his share in this relasionship and to tell ya the truth I would much rather spend the rest of my life alone then to go back to being some cowering ,voiceless woman who just settles once again.
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day