Hello Bat and welcome to Healing Well. Wow, I read your post and you sure do have alot on your plate. The others here have all given you some wonderful ideas and tips.
It is really sad to see what CP does to a person and their family. With you being the caregiver you catch the brunt of it all. Yes, I agree you do need to manage to hang onto your job somehow, at least by having it to go to its an escape for you for a few hours a day. My heart goes out to you. But, you hang in there and work on things that will help you. You must put your own self first here too because it will serve no purpose for you to slide down the pole so to speak, ok. Failure, forget it, you are not a failure, good grief, you have done and you are still trying to do eveything possible to get help for your husband. You are not a doctor and you can't fix him, all you can do is help get him in the direction he needs to be going. Forget the failure business, you have failed no one. Truthfully I don't know how you have managed your situtation as well as you have because you have tried doing it all and your husband somehow has got to play a role here in getting better.
I don't know where you live, whether you are near a large city and would have access to a teaching hospital. Perhaps, that may be a place to start with you husband in trying to get him some kind of help. I can't see how the doctors would want to leave that screw in there as it is now. But, then I do know many drs do not like to operate on a patient that has already had surgery done by another doctor. Thats been a pretty common thing for many years. I have heard every kind of theory coming down the pike about it, but my theory is if a person needs help, they need help regardless of who did what. Thats why I am suggesting a teaching hospital as you don't have the egos to put up with in those places. Egos for some reason play a big role here.
Your husband like the others has said here has to take responsibility here, you cannot do this for him. I am afraid if he doesn't step up to the plate here and advocate right along beside of you, he may neve get anywhere, but putting it all off on you is not right either-he must participate. What about seeking out a different pain mgt dr, is that a possibility? All a pain mgt dr is going to do is try procedures, diagnostic blocks and medication. That is all a pain dr can do for him. None of us like taking pain meds but if that is the only way to get thru a day then thats what we have to do if we want any kind of a life. Its a known fact through out our country people with chronic pain are under treated. Its a stigma thats attached to us. Its very rare to find a dr that will actually address a persons pain and get it under control. Doctors are under educated in pain medicine and pain management for sure. They are so afraid of the DEA breathing down their necks because they write prescriptions for narcotics. Its a never ending battle and for the patient we sometimes feel like that rat lost in the maze.
As for FMLA, yes in most states its 50 employee rule and have worked so many hours. You can get online at the the Dept. of Labor for your state and find out for sure. I don't know how much your employer knows of your husbands situation or how much you want them to know. But it may be a good time to sit and talk with them and let them know what is going on. Assure them that your job is your priorty as well.
Since the pain clinic dr is an untouchable, what about calling and talking to a nurse. Tell her just what you have told us. Does anyone there like the nurse or dr really know whats going on with your husband? Going in for an appt and saying this medicine does not work or I hurt here or there sometimes just does not cut it with a dr because they hear that all day long. I think if they had a more in depth conversation with you it may prove to be something that will get their attention. I think you would have a much better chance starting with the nurse over the dr. Its a thought and I have done this in the past. Nurses are the drs right hand so to speak and the best way to get a drs attention.
You keep posting here to us and we will give you a shoulder any time you need one along with a hug. We are here for anyone that needs help regardless what the problem is. Sometimes just having a sounding board can make all the difference in the world. Remember to keep yourself safe. You may think your husband is the first priority here but its both of you that need help. Your needs are every bit as important as his. Lots of hugs coming your way...Susie