Hi ya Pete,
I don't think you are crazy, overwhelmed, scared, terrified too I'll bet....but not crazy. You have been through an awful lot for a man as young as you are, and your wife living in separate housing right now, isn't helping you either. I am truly glad to read that she did show up, and stayed with you to help you through this crisis.
Yes, your doctor had the right to yell , and yes, he is taking a huge risk putting you on testosterone with your having have cancer, so he does have a right to expect you to hold up your end of the deal. I'm glad that he listened to you, and gave you an injection right then, to get your blood levels on the rise again..Now, I'm sure that you will do your part and stick to his regimine....
I think a good therapist might help you alot, giving you a safe place to talk....about all of the stuff going on in your life.....giving you some other tools, some other ideas for support, to help you when it feels like everything is caving in on you. You may need a change in your antidepressant, many do, after some time. There is nothing to be ashamed of in that....
Take it easy for a few days, get your testosterone levels back to near normal and hopefully a good therapist who can give you some support and a safe place to vent...and then, there's always us...we're getting bigger shoulders all of the time......mine are here, whenever you might need them.
PLIF/TLIF Fusion w/Instrumentation L4-5 Spondololysthesis L4-5.Laminectomies L4-5, foraminal stenosis L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, herniations L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, central canal stenosis L3-4, L4-5 and L5-S1
Revision for failed Back surgery, pseudoarthrosis L4-5, hemilaminectomies L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, bmp added to revision fusion, replaced two bent screws that were reversing out of vertebrae - August 2, 2007
On going back pain and neuropathic pain, failed back surgery, consult for scs, decided not to do that at this point.
Adhesive Arachnoiditis also......just what I didn't need..9/08- adding bilateral ulnar neuropathy with severe compression to the mix. They want me to see a surgeon for ulnar nerve surgery, but I'm not biting.
I've seen enough surgeons over the last few years.