Karen, I don't know if my from a man's perspective will help or not. I actually teach classes on healthy relationships and on marriage. I have been married to my wonderful wife for 26 years. We are the only ones in our families that have never been divorced. Most of my family have multiple failed marriages so I have seen that side from another view. I have counseled individuals and couples for over 20 years. With all this said, what strikes me as a major area of concern is the communication. I know that when people are stressed they tend to say things that normally they hold back or say in different ways. To say things that demean or cut at a person and then to say I am only kidding is very damaging to the relationship. In fact the part about
, I am only kidding, probably make sit worse. Then to laugh at you for trying to be up front and honest about
how you are feeling is disrespectful, hurting and shows a lack of genuine concern. If my wife came to me and asked me if I was messing around or if I was thinking of leaving, I would want to know why she felt that way. I would want to know what she saw in my actions, attitude or speech that would lead her to question the integrity of love for her. Don't get me wrong, I have my faults like anyone else but if I don't constantly build a positive relationship with her when things seem to be going good, when stress or frustration come the relationship will begin to deteriorate. My CP is as much an issue for my wife as it is for me. Even my kids, age 22, 20 and almost 18 are effected by my CP and I work hard at building my relationship with them in different ways since I can't do many activities with them. As for his cleaning up his personal hygiene, I would encourage you to compliment him and let him know that you really appreciate his efforts. Men will dress for other women than their wives even if they are not having an affair. I also believe that if there is unresolved problems and uncertainty at home, many men will begin building relationships with women and that can lead to other things. In counseling I warn men of behaviour
like this because it not only
opens the door for a wrong relationship but takes the attention and affection from the marriage partner. I won't bable any more but I will pass on one thing that I teach all my students about
assuming. When you assume, you are normally wrong. I know it is not the saying many people have heard before. When we assume we base or assumption on limited and sometimes misleading information. I hope that you two can use this time in your life to turn towards each other rather than away. Blessings!