Wow, such words for someone so young. My heart goes out to you, as I think sometimes we think we have to be older to be hit with this crazy chronic pain. Then someone such as yourself comes along and reminds us chronic pain has no age limit. We do have some young ones on this forum that suffer too. Welcome to Healing Well, I don't think you will find a better place to come and hang out and air out your thoughts. Everyone here understands chronic pain all too well.
For me its hard to define my moment of realization, because prior to the chronic pain rearing its ugly head I had spent 18 months trying to get crohns disease into remission,lol sure, had a small bowel resection surgery, terrible drs that woud not help me because I cannot take steroids. Crohns disease destroyed my life as I knew it, oh yes, I suffered alot of of gut wrenching doubled in pain with it. I actually had a meltdown and ended up under the care of a wonderful psychologist that understood autoimmune diseases. She helped me in so many ways, she helped me understand how I was going thru the grieving process of having to stop working and get on SSD, I was not able to leave my home much because of incontinence, I literally became house bound. I was a very active outgoiing person, we did alot of travleing. Everything thing we normally did in our lives came to an abrupt halt almost overnight.
My chronic pain reared itself several months into the crohns disease battle. I was referred to a pain mgt dr by my gastro. My gastro literally saved my sanity. He has been wonderful and I have been under his care for 6 yrs now. He did help me alot, he was not afraid of me because I have bad tolerance issues with all medications not just pain meds. I had ran the gambit years before on alot of treatment. Its always been the joke the amount of money that has been spent on my body I should feel like a million. But I don't. I had taken some falls at home and ended up having surgery on both knees, one for a partial tear of the ACL and the other was a torn menicus. I had got to the point walking was almost impossible. I spent about a year in bed I just could not manage things.
I ended up having a pain pump inplanted June of 05 and I have to say it was the best that could have happened to me. The oral meds were not helping very long if they helped at all, or the side effects were too bad and I had run out of options. I now have a new pain mgt dr that handles pump patients only and she is wonderful. I had no clue I could feel this good ever again. I saw that talked about with you. If you get to the point thats what you end up doing let me know, I can give you some questions to ask your dr about the pump. Or if you have any questions I will be glad to answer them for you if I can.
I hope you will hang out with us its a real good place to come to.....Susie