I hope I don't step on any toes when I say this, but I have to say I miss the old "identity" thread. I do believe grief is certainly also a hugely important topic for us, and part of identity issues, but I felt we were all in this
open brainstorming mode on the first thread that somehow, sadly, got cut short. Am I the only one who feels this way? I'm not blaming anyone - not at all - just experessing some thoughts.
I also have some thoughts about
the "stages" of grief, which may be different than what's been expressed. I taught Dying & Death classes for 12 years at the college where I worked (that was an experience in itself - as i never expected to teach such a course in my 30's!). But over the years have also had both personal experience and training re: those initial stages developed by Kubler Ross. She was great in starting this awareness, but most grief therapists now caution against viewing any stages, as there are many more than "five" phases that people can pass through, and not everyone goes through all the "stages' as we're used to seeing them. And sometimes denial can be as healthy a coping mechanism as acceptance. It's so much more complicated, and I think too many people start to feel they "should' be going through these stages, and if they don't get to acceptance, there's something wrong or bad about
that. There's a concept developed by Marsha Linehan called Radical Acceptance that months ago we kind of started discussing here, but that wasn't my point at the moment.
I wanted to share a personal experience. When my mother was dying back in 1993 I was in the nursing home and everytime I was expressing some anger (especially at her LACK of decent pain management) I was being told I was in the "anger stage", because these people had training in the five 'stages" of grief and that, of course, made it easy for them to "diagnose" me. It also made it easy for them to say the lack of pain management for my mother dying of lung, and later bone, cancer was all about
my anger rather than their antiquated views of pain management, and beliefs that "suffering" was a noble thing as per their religious beliefs (not meant to offend anyone here, these things shouldn't get confused when providing pain management IMHO). The siimplistic view of these stages of grief I think can sometimes do more harm than good, and fatherjohn please, PLEASE don't take this personally. I would only hope that when you are training maybe you would start to broaden that view of grief. Even Kubler Ross in her later years changed and broadened her perspective. It was a good starting point for an area that years ago no one knew anything about
, but they now turn into something that's just quick to pull out of someone's head, rather than saying grief encompasses all kinds of things, and not everyone goes through all them, and acceptance isn't always the best thing to push for.
Oh, I so hope I haven't offended the people here I care about
!!! But I had to get this off my chest.
And I still miss our other thread!