I have been fighting my hopes that the newest changes my doc has made are going to help tremendously. My wife said it best when she told the doc the last time I ended up in the ER, "He is always very excited and optimistic that every new thing will help."
I was thinking about
this comment and you could make it mean several things if you wanted to. It could mean that I have a positive attitude about
treatments of any kind. It could mean that I am willing to try just about
anything to get some kind of relief. Or it could mean that I get my hopes up too much and set myself up for a fall if something turns out to not be helpful or (and this has happened a few times), God forbid, the treatment actually hurts me instead of helping. The last one that hurt me, messed me up so bad that I was sent into a dark place for quite a while.
I am only now starting to dig out of this rut I have been stuck in. The latest changes in my care have seemed to help quite a bit. I am trying to keep my hopes in check because I have found the medications I am on can work for a while and then not be as helpful or even harmful. I have posted before that the medication I am on had a vicious cycle of helping and then hurting. I just do not want to feel good and hope that this is working only to have it fail and make me crash and burn emotionally and physically.
So, I am doing better as of now and I am trying to wait it out and make sure I will stay doing better. If I do, it would be absolutely wonderful! If I don't, maybe I can keep my hopes low enough to think it was too good to be true after all. Does anyone else run into these types of problems? I can't be the only one that hopes and depends on SOMETHING to finally help. I know there are a lot of people on here in more pain than I am but I do not know how many more times I can deal with hoping and then crashing...
P.S. - I have been doing better the last few days so I am happy that I have been able to feel almost human again! I wanted to make sure I got that point across, I am not just trying to be gloomy here. I am just very scared that this will not last. I am not free of pain in any regard but I am down to a 3/3.5 and anything under a 4 is as close to pain free as I can expect to get!!!
Fentanyl Patch - 100mcgs x 72 hours
Baclofen - 10mg x 8 hours
Post Edited (skrape) : 3/16/2009 8:24:43 AM (GMT-6)