I can't even remember the last time I called in sick! I haven't been sleeping worth a crap and last night was just too much! I thought my neck pain was getting better wearing my new collar but the last two nights it came back with a vengance! Maybe it's tha way I'm moving around in my sleep or just staying in one position too long. I don't know, but I've been waking up with #10 stabbing pains in my neck shooting down my shoulder through my arm and into my fingers which tingle like electric with every pain.. I called my boss at 6:00am, he sounded shocked and in disbelief, like I said, I never call in. I felt too guilty to turn off my cell phone so I talked to just about every foreman out on the jobsites this morning, most woke me up. They all said, we need material for our jobs, what should we do? Who can give us a PO#? You are not allowed to miss work, we need you! I have spoiled them terrable! I even take calls when I go to see my doctors either driving to & from or in the office waiting, I always manage to get them what they need. They are going to be in for some reality when I'm gone for my upcoming surgery! I see my Neuro Surgeon about last weeks tests tomorrow at 11:30am! I just know they will want me to work after the surgery when I should be recovering. I can hear it now, you can do it from home, you have a phone and computor!
Why do I feel so guilty about work? They don't care about me at all except they know I get the job done! We have actually been getting busy at work again but the boss hasn't said anything about giving me back the overtime he cut from me which was over 1/3 of my paycheck. I know times are tough and I shouldn't complain but the overtime was negotiated into my yeary pay when I took the job to get me up to the yearly sallary I was demanding to work there. Like so many others, I feel like I'm killing myself and getting the short end of the stick again.
Geeze, I knew depression would be grabbing at my heels as soon as I called in today! I have too much time to think which leads to guilt > anger > depression Some of you older regulars may remember when I started posting here, I was in a horrable funk of depression with all kinds of unwarrented thoughts racing through my head. I was a mess! You good people helped me so much back then to get my **** together again. I feel I'm headed back down that road again and I hate it! I have so many things to do around this lonely house but I don't feel like doing anything. GRRRRR> I hate feeling like this! I can't even turn my tens unit up because I lost it! I can't watch daytime TV either, way too much stupidity there! It's time for another pain pill and my doc told me last week when I saw him that if it gets bad, I could take two perc's instead of one. I haven't tried it yet but I think I will. I'll check back w/ Y'all later>
Sorry for all the crying & whining again> Pete's in a bad place today!
I love you guys which I hope you know means all of you! Not just the guys! Pete doesn't switch hit!
Lonely, hurting & sappy Pete
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis in port in Japan and the other on a Gator Freighter USS Bataan stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa!