PA, Whitebeard, Straydog, Fatherjohn, Becoming, Pamela, Momcares and all!
I have been married 17 yrs. on the 28th...for 8 yrs. I was normal....by that I mean, work, play, clean and all the fun stuff. In 2000 came the surgery....3 more years of working. Right at the time I HAD to leave my job, my husband was in the process of starting his RE Appraisal business. When I told him I couldn't take the pain anymore and needed to quit, he said please can you just wait a little longer! I tried I really tried, but finally had to stop. From that day forward our relationship changed.....as I've posted before, applied for SSD, spent most of my days in bed and began taking PM to control the pain. I was devastated over my loss, I was now dependent on my husband, everything was out of my control. I have worked since I was 12 NEVER was I unable to support myself. I had already begun to say no to things that I loved to do. I spent 6 mos. grieving, spending most of the daytime in bed (from pain), got up cooked dinner, went back to bed. Then I made the decision to move forward with life, and did find the strength and felt good emotionally!
My husband is a very stoic man, who holds his emotions in, loves deeply, I always accepted that before, but I needed to hear his words of support. We coasted along and 4 yrs ago his Dad died, he was of course grieving....about 6 mos after, I asked him if he was okay, it seemed to me he did not talk to me except when he had something negative to say. After months of this, I confronted this and he told me that he thought he was fine over his dad, but that I had gone from 40 to 80 overnight. Crying while he said this, I was devastated, I had no clue that he felt this way. Alot of things were said, the bottom line was that we were going to work on our relationship. I hate to even put this on paper (post) but its best said. Lets say that I started to walk around on glass, all along I thought I was pretty positive about my situation, now I wasn't so sure. The one thing I did have was a husband who cared and loved me no matter what my condition. Now, I'm not secure in the one thing I felt safe in! Right after his Dad died the RE market started to crash....so now we have Grief and now income is slowly decreasing. By December of 2006 we are living on our CC and my SSD. He is working odd jobs to keep us afloat and I am feeling GUILT that I can't help our situation! Just coasting along emotionally.......coast, coast, coast. Then Feb. 2008 his Mom passes away, we flew to Colorado with our 2 grown daughters. We had a wonderful heartfelt talk and love was so strong! We come home and he shuts me out, spends most of his day in our bedroom watching TV, business is nil and I feel he is grieving. Picking fights over everything. Finally I snapped and told him I could live on welfare in an apartment and be happier then living with him like this. He told me he feels so alone, I told him he chose it to be like this, that he needs to go get help to deal with grief, over me and his parents. He told me he loved me and did not want to lose me....so we coast along working on our relationship but I always walk around on glass.....after a Dr.'s visit and added issues, I am afraid to tell him....he listens, and says don't worry we'll get through this.....but I don't really feel safe because I went from 40 to 80 overnight.....the wierd thing is he tells everyone else how much he worries about me.....he told me recently that it kills him that he can't fix me. I told him its not his job to fix me, just accept me and focus on the good in me. So, sounds to me like CP has affected the one stable for sure thing I had going for me!
My children, one of my daughters calls everyday just to check on me and UNDERSTANDS the challenges I face everday. My other daughter calls 3-4 x's a week and offers to go shopping with me, but never asks how I am, just talks around that subject which is fine!
I am very lucky to have 3 best friends, who let me talk about me when I need to and I know I am safe with them.
Overall, life is good...doesn't sound like it by this post huh?
P.S. We survived the last year because his Mom left us money....God does provide so never lose faith. As of January...business is picking up..one less stress to worry about!