I'm going to try and help you with this. Its a subject I NEVER talk about. But my heart went out to you when I read this it seemed so close to home.
I'm married to a wonderful man would give me the world. In most respects he has. 19 years ago he came back from the First Desert Storm in Iraq. We married 3 months after he came back. The first 5 years we privately fought about how much sex we should have. I wanted it twice a week but he said once a week was good enough that I was making him feel like a sex toy. I know it does now seem really really funny
Slowly time went on and it was decreased slowly. Until about 3 years ago it was gone! After 14 years or marriage. Well lets just say it was once in 6 months. He never winked at me, never showed any interest in me other than a wife and mother to his three children. We fought on a daily basis, he would blame me, I would blame him, we said things we will never forget. Separations occured alot, sleeping apart was getting to be normal. Last resort we went to couples therapy at church. After our first meeting the preacher wanted to see my husband alone. After that meeting my husband really got depressed and cried alot!!! My husband crying it not normal at this point I had never seen him shed a tear other than his father and my mother dying.
One night he was on the back porch crying I went to him. He opened up to me as if the flood gates exploded. Our preacher had convinced him that he views about our sex life were out of wack. Wow I was finally proven right!!!??? It was not a good feeling with what came next. He had went to the doctor. His testosterone was under 100, think of it like this a normal man would be around 500 - 800 I believe. He started injections, didn't work, did the patch, no luck there, tried the gel once again nothing helped. We found out his body refuses to absord any kind of hormone.
Now we have been married for 18 years, yes sex is VERY limited. Yes I hurt at times I understand where your wife is coming from. I really feel in my heart she really doesnt mean to be so mean about this its her emotions coming out. Wrong maybe but its the way shes feeling. We at times you feel like you might yes she is not going to respond. I know this for a fact I deal with it every. If my husband doesn't show me affection, other then his normal I love yous and kisses when he comes home from work. But attraction attention thought that day. Or even an hour or so ahead of going to bed. You just cant expect her to jump at command once in a blue moon women are priceless you can never understand them..lol
But I also know where you are coming from. My husband at times feels less than a man. And to me hes all man. I'm talking about a man who shaves his head, goatee, earrings and built like a mack truck. He looks great on stage playing his drums. I try and make sure that if there is anything in my power to help him feel whole I will. I baby him, pamper him, but this is after alot of communications. I chose to stay with him and understand, I love him more now then ever we have alot more late night talks cuddling in bed that doesn't led to you know what. We touch eachother all the time in loving affection. I guess you can call it that we have decided our love is based more love then sex. But I will tell you SEX is important. We still have issues I wish he would at least think about it more but with the hormone so low it rarely comes to his mind.
I could go on forever on the things that is so wrong with learning to deal with this. But it took a preacher to open our eyes that this is something that is out of our control. If you ever want to talk about this or if your wife needs to vent I would be more than happy to listen to her. I fully UNDERSTAND!!!!
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension