Thanks for the note, that helped me. I thought I upset some people from the forum. I found this site when I was beginning to drown. My emotions were in overdrive. I needed to vent and let everything out. Maybe i said some things to give people the wrong impression of me. I have always cared for other people and their best outcome with healthcare. I dont like being cared for myself, not everyone does. I am starting to concentrate on my health. My pain is better, but the Elavil makes my stomach bloat and I feel like I am pregnant. My back hurts when I am done with work and my legs scream when I get up in the morning, I dont like taking the Neurontin in the daytime because I just sleep. My bowels sound like a backed up toilet sewer system gurgling and I have the diarrhea after every piece of food I eat. I am getting happier though because the pain isnt so overwhelming controlling my life 100% of the time. the more I work, I can ignore the pain but thats not healthy for my body. I am just wondering which disc that is unstable is going to herniate and then there is more surgery. I feel I have disappointed my husband, he is a good husband and wonderful Dad, but he lost his dad when he was young and his mother died of massive stroke at 51. He just worries about
me and expresses it the way he only knows how. He saw so many doctors and hospitals with his dad's MS. I know that is not right because I am in different situtation but I think he is trying and he feels quilty that I need to work at this time. We are a strong family and giving the two girls (8 and 12) the best life we are able to and they appreciate it which some kids dont. I hope you have a wonderful Easter. I dont have any courage to seek a pain MD for what the last 2 docs I saw. I am not seeking drugs, I just want a little quality of life. When I am at home, I hurt more and that is so upsetting to me because I cant do anything or take the kids anywhere because I hurt. They understand but someday I hope they dont get angry with me. I dont think they will.