I'm sorry you're feeling blue ! I know for me that insomnia compounds it so much too.
I often feel like I am nothing but a burden to my husband and children and I tell my husband that he would be so much better off if I was no longer here. I know that many people, my PM included, would take that to mean that I was suicidal, but I don't feel that I am, I feel like I am just stating the facts. When I try to express to my husband how bad I'm hurting, he doesn't say anything in return, and I often feel like he is angry with me. I know in my heart that he is angry with the circumstances, and I think he's frustrated that he can't "fix" me. I have told him many times that when I tell him I'm in a lot of pain, I am not looking for him to miraculously make it better, I'm just looking for some support to help me through, a hug would go a long way, but he just doesn't get it.
I also ask him repeatedly if he still loves me, and even after he says yes, I ask him if he is sure. I feel like I am of very little use to him & my children, and because the rest of my family (my parents, my twin sister, grandmother, etc.) have abandoned me because they did not want to feel obligated to help me during my recovery period after surgery, I live in constant fear that even if he doesn't actually leave me, that he must want to.
My husband has been by my side for every doctor's appt., every surgery, etc., and I truly believe that if there was some way that he could take the pain away from me and onto himself, he would do it in a second, and yet I still question his true feelings.
I am getting very sleepy, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.